As we get later into the NFL season, and the contenders separate themselves from the also-rans, games of lesser consequence can be flexed out of prime-time slots in favor of more compelling matchups. Alas, when my beloved Cincinnati Bengals visit the Dallas Cowboys in Week 14 at AT&T Stadium — aka where Jake Paul and Mike Tyson slugged it out like gladiators — that underwhelming duel is locked in to stay.
Now why is that? Well it turns out, extensive preparation and planning for a simulcast featuring The Simpsons-style animation has rendered the game immovable.
For those asking, the Bengals-Cowboys MNF game is not eligible to be flexed out because of all the drawings, voiceovers and other work that has been done for The Simpsons alt-cast that will air that night.
— Jay Morrison (@ByJayMorrison) November 18, 2024
Now look, when the NFL schedule makers put together their Monday Night Football lineup for the 2024 campaign, they had to be licking their chops at the prospect of a late-season showdown between a Revenge Tour Joe Burrow and reigning MVP runner-up Dak Prescott. Unfortunately, we’ve reached a point where the Bengals are flailing with a 4-7 record, while Dak is out for the season with a brutal hamstring injury for the Cowboys.
The Burrow Revenge Tour that I foresaw before the season has played out as expected for him individually. That is, after shredding his right throwing wrist, which cut his 2023 season short, Joey Franchise would come back ready to annihilate anyone in his path. My guy has played about as well as he possibly could. Most of the team around him has just been inept as can be. Peep the stats below.
Through the first 11 games, on the 4-7 Bengals, Joe Burrow has 3,028 passing yards, 27 touchdowns, and 5 interceptions.
Players to achieve 3,000+ passing yards, 27+ touchdowns, and 5 or fewer interceptions through the first 11 games, along with their team's final records:
-…
— Jacob Kaye (@JacobKaye_) November 18, 2024
Us Bengals fans are down bad these days, I tell ya. Burning a prime year from Burrow is the shame of all shames, not to mention a Triple Crown receiving season from Ja’Marr Chase, who Cincinnati foolishly waited to reward with a new contract. And Trey Hendrickson (11.5 sacks) is single-handedly keeping the defensive line in some realm of respectability.
As for the Cowboys, they entered tonight‘s edition of Monday Night Football with a 3-6 record and little hope on the horizon since Dak is down. It’s just the season from hell for America’s Team. It might culminate in a housecleaning, which means Mike McCarthy is more or less a lame duck head coach. This all comes on the heels of Dallas rewarding Dak with an exorbitant contract worth $60 million per season on average. His cap hit is only going to explode from here. If only anyone could’ve predicted s**t would start to go very, very south in the wake of that historic deal.
On the bright side, if peak comedy is the goal of this Simpsons simulcast, we just may be on to something by pitting two rather terrible teams against each other.
The Bengals vs the Cowboys in the Bart Simpson game with the two worst defenses in the NFL is gonna be prime cinema.
— Andrew Russell (@Andrew_Russell7) November 19, 2024
At the very least, we should see some fireworks from the Bengals’ offense. I will be seated, praying they don’t get beaten by Cowboys backup QB Cooper Rush. That actually happened once upon a time. Week 2 of 2022 during one of Cincinnati’s classic, inexplicable slow starts to a season. It’s defined the Burrow era. They’ve dug themselves out of that early hole more often than not. This season? Not so much.
Will I tune in to see The Simpsons make fun of my favorite team? You know what, I actually might when we’re on defense. That way if Cooper Rush or, yikes, Trey Lance is shredding the Bengals secondary, at least I can laugh along as a means of coping.
