Look out! A new “studies show” study against drinking alcohol just dropped.
Every so often, some research gets released that is intended to “spook” all of us into putting down the bottle for good. Before I get too far into this, sobriety is a great thing, and shoutout to all of the people who have gone to war with alcohol and come out okay on the other side. Props to you all for battling your demons.
But for the casual drinkers who like to enjoy a drink – or two – in moderation, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think we could all come together and release a study of our own: Sipping on a beer and listening to Alan Jackson in the garage could very well extend our lifespans, from a stress-relieving perspective.
If you ask the Canadian Institute for Substance Use, they’d probably shoot down that makeshift research.
That’s because they just conducted and concluded a study of their own, which had some rather eye-opening findings about the effects of having one or two drinks a day has on the human lifespan:
“Dr. Tim Stockwell, a scientist at the Canadian Institute for Substance Use Research, told the Daily Mail that consuming an average of two drinks per week over a lifetime can shorten one’s life by 3 to 6 days. One drink per day, seven a week, can cut life expectancy by 2 1/2 months.”
2 and 1/2 months? Oh my gosh… that’s it?
My response has matched the energy of a lot of people who have come across this research. You’re telling me that I can throw back a couple of jack and cokes a night and only give up two months at the end of my story? Those two months probably wouldn’t be that fun anyways. I’d rather throw back brewskis with my friends and really live than buy myself a couple of months right before I go to the big “Beer Fridge in the Sky.”
Everyone on social media seems to be in agreement with that two drinks a day for two months tradeoff:
That sounds like a good trade.
— LionsofLaw (@LionsofLaw) July 9, 2024
Hahaha that’s all? I need to start doubling up on my booze ration.
— Countdown to Eschaton (@T_MinusEschaton) July 9, 2024
The good news is it’ll be the two months at the very end which probably won’t be the best anyway.
— Tim 🏴☠️🏴Decentralize and nullify 🏴🏴☠️ (@Tim_The_Sandman) July 9, 2024
— Oz Katerji (@OzKaterji) July 9, 2024
You don’t have to give me more reasons to drink.
— mikeymumbelz (@mikeymumbelz) July 9, 2024
What about 6-12? Asking for a friend.
— Tex Morton (@jhonjhon236) July 9, 2024
Pretty good deal, considering the obvious benefits.
— SpyTalk: Intelligence for Thinking People (@talk_spy) July 9, 2024
oh-oh. pic.twitter.com/2TZu61HqUn
— DEPLORABLE ULTRA MAGA Susan (@susanbnj) July 9, 2024
Thanks for the research, Canadian Institute for Substance Use. It seems as though your study that was likely meant to deter daily drinking instead just solidified it as a “not-that-bad” scenario. Cheers to you (*takes sip of Busch Light*).
Reminds me of this Canadian legend, who delivered one of the greatest interviews of all time last year after those quacks at Health Canada recommended just two drinks per week:
