It’s that time of year again.
CMA Fest is here, and for the next four days hundreds of artists and hundreds of thousands of fans will pack into downtown Nashville for non-stop music – and non-stop drinking.
It’s a unique experience that’s unlike any other festival, so a lot of times fans come to CMA Fest for the first time not exactly knowing what to expect.
Well don’t worry, that’s what we’re here for.
Here’s a general guide of what to expect if you’re planning on coming to CMA Fest:
Chances are, if you’re making a long weekend out of it, you’re probably arriving to town right about now. You’re checking into your (very expensive) hotel or AirBnb, maybe hitting up the closest liquor store to stock up on some High Noons or Truly for the weekend.
And while the smart play would be to take it easy and rest up for four days of treating your body like absolute shit, the temptation is just too much. You have to get the party started, so you head right to the center of the party: Broadway.
You’ll probably grab some hot chicken from Hattie B’s, but little do you know that’s your first mistake of many. Then, you’ll head down the street – a street that’s already packed and is only going to get worse – making stops at such Nashville institutions as Jason Aldean’s Kitchen + Rooftop Bar, Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock and Roll Steakhouse, or Luke Bryan’s 32 Bridge.
Along the way, you’ll throw back approximately 54 drinks each as you lose yourself in a sea of people who are just as jacked up to party as you are. And you’ll lose not only your ability to walk but you’ll also lose track of time. Next thing you know, you’ll look at your phone and it’s 2 AM, and you had planned on being downtown at 9 AM to get a good spot at the Riverfront Stage. Probably better head back to the room if you’re going to have any chance at being ready to go for the first day.
But when you wake up the next morning, there’s already trouble brewing. And it’s brewing in your stomach as that Hattie B’s from the day before finally starts to hit you, mixes with all the alcohol that your body’s still trying to process, and has you hanging onto the side of the hotel room toilet for dear life as you try to expel your demons from the night before.
You’ll manage to recover just enough to get dressed in the official CMA Fest first timers uniform: Jeans for the guys and a sundress and cowboy hat for the girls, and a brand new pair of cowboy boots that you bought just for this trip.
Once again, another mistake, but you won’t realize that until later.
You’ll catch an Uber downtown, only to realize that you needed to get there MUCH earlier to get that spot you wanted at the front of the riverfront stage. It’s already packed, the line to go through security is backed up down Broadway, and you’re already wondering whether you should have worn something a little cooler as the 90 degree Nashville heat beats down on you in the middle of the crowd.
Eventually you’ll make it to a stage – though it may not be the one you wanted to be at – and decide to just post up there for a while as you contemplate your life choices and try to act like you’re having a good time in all of your Instagram pictures. Luckily a couple of beers from a nearby stand provide you with a much-needed (and expensive) pick-me-up, and you’ll manage to rally for a bit as you find your groove.
Once it’s time to eat, you’ll realize that your plan to just grab something at Jason Aldean’s may not have been the best idea, once you realize that the lines to get in all the bars on Broadway are longer than Morgan Wallen’s arrest record. Whatever, you’ll just grab a hot dog from that stand you passed to tide you over.
But it’s also about this time that you’ll realize that cowboy boots were DEFINITELY a bad idea. Your feet are hurting, the blister on your heel is starting to bleed, there’s sweat dripping down into your boots, and you’re stuck for the next 10 hours.
Not great.
But you press on, because what else are you going to do at this point? Hop into Tootsie’s and get a $12 beer, cool off along with hundreds of other people, and get back out on the horse – er, on Broadway.
As the afternoon rolls on, you’ve been posted up at a stage for hours and the action downtown is starting to slow down before the nighttime concerts. You could either do the smart thing, go back and rest and clean up before you head to Nissan Stadium, or just raw-dog it and power through.
Chances are, you’ll make the wrong decision here and try to just power through.
You post up at a bar for a few hours and drop a few hundred bucks on some drinks to keep you going until it’s time to make the long walk across the pedestrian bridge to get to the stadium for the nighttime shows. Wait, you actually thought you could easily just Uber from Broadway to the stadium? Bless your heart…
So along with hundreds of others, you take your screaming feet and head over to the stadium, drained and hurting but feeling slightly better now that the sun’s going down.
Then you get to your seats. You can see all of Nashville as you settle into the top level of Nissan Stadium, surrounded by people who are just as drenched in sweat as you are, for a night of shows.
As the music kicks off, you quickly realize: This isn’t just a concert. This is a made-for-TV event. With Jelly Roll and Ashley McBryde hosting, you get a song or two from the artist you wanted to hear…and then it’s on to the next. Who is this guy again? Oh well, it’s a good chance to sit down for a minute.
Finally the headliner that you came to see comes on…and just as quick, after a 30 minute set, it’s over.
Wait, that’s it?
That’s it.
Now it’s time to head for the exits, along with 60,000 others, as you all desperately try to call an Uber despite your cell phone dying and the service being as sketchy that hot dog you had for lunch.
If you can muster up the energy, you’ll do the smart thing and walk back across the pedestrian bridge to try to get away from the crowd. Walk towards Korean Veterans Boulevard and you’ll have a better chance at getting an Uber. Or you could just post up at a bar and wait for the crowd to die down.
But by now, you’ve been going for almost 12 hours, and the energy meter is on zero.
You finally get an Uber at 5x the price of the one that brought you downtown. $150 later, you’re headed back to your room and questioning all of your life choices.
And you still have to do it all over again for three more days.
