Two Shirtless Bros Decided It Was Smart To Rush The Field At Super Bowl LVIII

Super Bowl streaker

When will people learn? Running onto the field of play, especially when it isn’t a commercial break, is among the top-five brainless moves a human being can make while attending a sporting event.

And it ain’t five, four, three, or two. You get banned for life from the venue, probably arrested, have to pay a fine. It costs an arm and a leg to attend the Super Bowl in person as is, does it not?

Don’t tell any of that to the two probably-hammered dude-bros who opted to do just that at Allegiant Stadium. Here the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers are, playing in the game of their lives, scrapping for a Super Bowl, showing millions upon millions of fans around the world what peak athletic performance looks like.

…Then you have these clowns.

That caption says “a shirtless fan.” However, there are unfortunately two morons roaming about. I mean, on one hand, it gives me as a writer something noteworthy to cover, yet it’s also unfortunate that this is always so newsworthy when it happens.

Here’s a take to the guys who inevitably got tackled by security, because they were slow as f*ck: If you’re going to do it, don’t do it halfway. Don’t just take off your shirt. Be a proper streaker! CBS announcer Jim Nantz referred to them as such. I thought I was in for something visually traumatic. Instead…it was just a couple of disappointing, pasty white boys doing dumb sh*t on Super Bowl Sunday.

OK sorry, slight real-time redaction, because man, this Super Bowl has been a whirlwind: Nantz and Tony Romo did clarify “partial streaker.” I love it. Couldn’t even hear the call on the live feed. I’m laughing. This is fun.

OMG. Romo says, “But we can’t talk about it.” I’m dead. Thank you, Tony Romo. The former Cowboys quarterback has come under fire in recent years for his analysis in the booth after a hot start. I still like him a good deal. Is he phoning in his preparation, not quite as deep into breaking down scheme, and cooling off some of the passion/predicting play calls? I’d say that’s fair.

Nevertheless, he’s still miles better than the vast majority of guys doing it. In fact, I think Romo’s rise spurred on another ex-Cowboys QB, Troy Aikman, to rise up and get considerably better.

Alrighty then. Let’s get back to the game and not give these partial streakers any more, ahem, exposure than they merit!

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock