Michigan Man Charged With Assault After Smacking Grocery Worker With 4-Pound Frozen Fish

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A man wielded a frozen fish and used it as a weapon to assault a grocery store clerk? I better get all of my fish puns ready.

This past weekend in Warren, Michigan, a grocery store clerk was assaulted by a man who had grabbed a frozen herring to use as a weapon after the fish counter had closed earlier in the day in observance of Ramadan.

According to the report, 60-year-old MD Jobul Hussain went up to the fish counter about 15 minutes after it had closed early. After a verbal back and forth between the clerk and the customer, Hussain picked up a 4-pound frozen hilsa (a type of herring) and assaulted the grocery clerk with it.

The man who wielded the frozen fish has been charged with one count of aggravated assault, and though he has since posted bail, I’m sure he’ll be “herring” about the incident in court (Fish Pun 1).

The news release from the Macomb County Prosecutor’s Office stated:

“Warren Police hooked and netted a suspect in connection with the altercation. The victim was transported to the hospital.”

I won’t count that in the fish pun count since it wasn’t mine, but holy “mackerel” (Fish Pun 2), what a fishing joke and sense of humor by the prosecutor’s office.

Imagine getting attacked by a floppy, frozen fish? When I first read about this story I “cod” hardly believe it (Fish Pun 3).

It’s difficult to imagine that someone could muster enough anger to use a fish as a weapon. Honestly, I think the 60-year-old suspect might’ve hit the grocery store clerk just for the “halibut” (Fish Pun 4).

Macomb County Prosecutor Peter Lucido had this to say regarding the incident:

“I never thought I’d have to say this, but if you assault someone with a fish in our county you will be prosecuted. A frozen fish is dangerous if you use it to hit someone on the head.”

Prosector Lucido is exactly right to concede the bizarre nature of this altercation. I highly “trout” that anyone has ever been assaulted with a fish before (Fish Pun 5).

You would have to think that getting hit by a 4-pound frozen fish might cause one to “flounder” in pain for a bit afterwards. (Fish Pun 6).

Alright I’ll stop, I know that many fish-related-puns in a short period of time is probably hard to digest.

It was “shellfish” (Fish Pun 7) of me to try and do all of these fish jokes. Just don’t give up on my writing though, and make sure to continue to “tuna” in (Fish Pun 8) to other article on Whiskey Riff.

I doubt any of you could come up with anything “betta” though (Horrible Fish Pun 9).

That’s all folks…

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock