Lunchables Will Soon Be Served In School Cafeterias

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It appears that “The End of the World” is trending on Twitter right now, but I think this bit of news regarding everyone’s favorite childhood snack could help save Planet Earth.

The United States government is finally giving in and allowing “Lunchables” to be served as school lunches in school cafeterias. What took them so long?

Kraft Heinz’s “Lunchables” have long been a staple of the “cold meats” aisle thanks to their iconic yellow packaging. Plus, they have to lead the category of “impulse grocery stores buys,” where parents buy them just to cease the begging and whining from their children who happened to see the yellow-packed snack meal at their eye level.

(Side Note: I’m sure it is common knowledge, but stores arrange tempting items for kids to be on lower leveled shelves so they are more likely to see them and ask for them. That’s why all those candy bars, sodas, and other sugary calories are right there in the check out line. It’s a whole marketing strategy thing, sorry to bore you)

Oh to be a kid again. Now kids can skip out on the nasty three day old school pizza or half frozen burrito and ride with the always reliable “Lunchables.” Sure, it might not be fresh and it might even have average nutritional value, but at least you know what you are getting. If I remember correctly, school food was always a “hit or miss” scenario, and it missed a lot more than it hit.

Does allowing “Lunchables” in school cafeterias seem like we are kind of giving up as a country? Possibly, but it seems like the decision screams “American Laziness,” and we are proud to be both American and lazy.

It could even be a situation where schools are struggling to staff cafeteria workers. You can only microwave so many chicken nuggets until you have to call in the relief pitcher of pre-packed, mediocre “Lunchables.”

The only downside to this whole story is the group of kids who pack a lunch to school everyday. You used to be a LEGEND if you brought your lunch and whipped out a “Lunchables.”

All eyes were on you, and no school food would be worthy of trading for the generic OREO cookie that came with your “Lunchables” meal. Now that “Lunchables” will be a dime-a-dozen in school cafeterias, it definitely hurts the social status of those bring-a-lunch students.

Top 5 List of GOAT-ed Lunchables? Seems like the right occasion for it.

5) Turkey and Cheddar with Crackers

4) Chicken Dunks (which were a little weird to eat cold)

3) Ham and Cheddar with Crackers

2) Nachos (with way too much Cheese and Salsa for the amount of chips they gave you)

1) Pizza (with that spreadable tomato paste that is probably more preservative than tomato)

Also, don’t act like you have not ever eaten a Lunchable as an adult. Everyone knows you have, so you can get off your high horse. We’ve all been there.

Even if you swear you haven’t, you’ve probably eaten the “adult version” of the well known Children’s snack pack:

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock