Mark Zuckerberg Practices Throwing Spears Like He’s Prepping For A Zombie Apocalypse

A person swinging a golf club

It has finally happened. Mark Zuckerberg’s brain has grown so large and his head so big that it’s all finally collapsed into itself like a black hole and reverted him back to a caveman.

Okay that didn’t happen, but it certainly appears he might at least want to be a caveman. Although something tells me that Zuck wouldn’t have lasted too long in the prehistoric dog eat dog world of the Neanderthals. Either that, or he would have been the first guy to invent camp fires or the wheel or something.

However, the tech billionaire’s form when it comes to spear tossing has opened the door for some light hearted critiques. Now if this had been The Rock, or hell even Kid Rock, throwing spears in their back yard then this blog would probably be about how badass they are.

But since it is Zuckerberg, this blog is about how awkward he is…

Not much context is provided for the footage, but in the video Zuckerberg is seen standing in a mud hole launching spears at a large plywood target. Again I want to make fun of him, but he’s actually a pretty accurate spear thrower and he’s surprisingly not scared to get his shoes muddy. Even more surprising is that he’s wearing shoes and not his trademark flip flops.

But something about his form just makes it look awkward though. Maybe it’s his overly pale and overly frail persona, or maybe it’s that semi-grin that’s always plastered on his face. Maybe it’s the Audioslave music in the background. Also, is he wearing ear protection?

I don’t know Mark, I guess I’d come throw spears with you… if you promise not to do experiments on me in your secret Hawaiian compound.

No word on if Zuckerberg plans to spear anything beyond just the boards, but if he wants to really impress (or outrage) people then maybe he should just go elk hunting with a spear like former NFL defensive end Jared Allen.

Zuckerberg has claimed to be a hunter in the past, citing his appreciation for clean eating and local, organic, free range protein.

However judging by the trajectory and velocity of his spear throwing, I’m not sure Zuck has the horse power behind his throws needed to take down any big game animals with a spear. If you want to learn more about hunting with a spear, there is an entire website dedicated to teaching you how.

While Zuckerberg probably isn’t cool enough to ever grow a mullet, sack a quarterback, or spear an elk, at least he has plenty of other awkward highlights on the internet he can hang his hat on.

Although, not exactly bad with the bow. Still awkward? Yes… but he’s hittin’ targets.

And while we’re on the topic, who could forget the time he recorded a video about him smoking meats in his backyard. He managed to turn a perfectly fine and respectable activity into a socially awkward montage, but hey at least he wasn’t smoking meth.

Smoke Meat Not Meth – Get the shirt from Whiskey Riff Shop.


A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock