The CDC Says No Shouting, Cheering Loudly, Or Drinking Too Much At Your Super Bowl Party This Year

A group of men sitting at a table with beer bottles and a football
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Huh…

With the Super Bowl this coming weekend, the CDC is laying out their guidelines for a safe weekend. Obviously they are encouraging folks to forgo the typical Super Bowl party this year, but if you must, they have issued their suggestions. And they have some real doozies in here…

First of all, they suggest you host a virtual Super Bowl party:

“Wear clothing or decorate your home with your favorite team’s logo or colors, make appetizers or snacks with the people you live with to enjoy while watching the game and share the recipes with your friends and family, or start a text group with other fans to chat about the game while watching.”

A group text? That’s your great idea?

But if you decide to go to a Super Bowl party, their recommendations for attending are even more strange:

“Have conversations with the host ahead of time to understand expectations for celebrating together, bring your own food, drinks, plates, cups, utensils, and condiment packets, wear a mask indoors and outdoors, and avoid shouting, cheering loudly, or singing. Clap, stomp your feet, or bring (or provide) hand-held noisemakers instead.”

They also suggest to limit your alcohol intake because drinking makes people do dumb things like spread the The Rona around. They ain’t wrong, but c’mon…

Bring your own food, wear a mask the whole time, and don’t make any noise and don’t drink too much… why would anybody even go to an event like that?

And look, I know the pandemic is serious and that we need to be safe. I know the CDC is just doing their duty to provide safety guidelines and encourage social distancing. But who are you kidding with this? Just go ahead and tell people not to have a party, that they’ll more than likely be spreading the disease and that’s the end of it. Why dance around the issue with these lofty and unrealistic expectations?

At the end of the day, people are either going to get together with friends and family, or they’re not. It’s that simple.

Me? I’m gonna be drinking my ass off, screaming at the TV from the comfort of my own home. Meanwhile the stadium will have 22,000 fans in attendance.

A beer bottle on a dock

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A beer bottle on a dock