Sometimes ingenuity and resourcefulness aren’t good qualities to thrust into action. In this particular, very personal intimate set of circumstances, one man’s bright idea (to him) was in fact a misguided, even tragic, and twisted means by which to, ahem, entertain oneself.
In Hanoi, Vietnam, this man inserted a live eel of over two feet in length into his anus. You might’ve guessed the overarching sentiment from what would transpire therein: Things did not go so well.
Live 2-foot eel chews through man’s intestines after he put it up his anus https://t.co/k4jSQkeg3R pic.twitter.com/1BIUbfoP6j
— New York Post (@nypost) August 2, 2024
Yup those are the best looks out there at the eel. The other problem was, dude had a line — yes, a full-a** lime — wedged up into that bunghole of his as well. Oh yeah. This man is freaky. Real freaky-naughty. “Freak,” or any variation, is underrated and cringe-inducing to bring up in this context. Thanks, White Goodman.
OK so anyway, details of the action the docs took to save the 31-year-old Indian expat, per the OG source of news, Vietnam News. They start with an ultrasound and see the eel up in there. They immediately assemble a team to get an emergency colonoscopy underway. They can’t reach the eel via anus, so they open the man up from the abdomen in emergency surgery, only to find the eel very much alive and well, having chewed through the rectum and colon.
Bless those at the Việt Đức Hospital who saved this guy’s life. Can you imagine getting this assignment at work? I mean, we basically had a birthing xenomorph situation on our hands here.
For the iconic chest burster scene from Alien, director Ridley Scott wanted to ensure a genuine reaction from his cast so he made sure to keep the scene particularly vague so as to surprise his actors. In the script the scene was written as “the thing emerges”. pic.twitter.com/aaIGH1VwwA
— The Cinegogue (@TheCinegogue) April 26, 2019
Is this viral marketing for Alien: Romulus? That movie comes out in a couple weeks and this seems too weird not to be related. Somebody’s gotta try to challenge Deadpool & Wolverine at the box office!
You won’t believe the quote I plunk down below from deputy director of the hospital’s Colorectal and Pelvic Floor Surgery Centre, Le Nat Huy, It ends that Vietnam News article. Trust me, it’s real.
“Eels can survive in anaerobic conditions for a long time and have the ability to bite through the gastrointestinal tract. Therefore, people should never insert live animals through the anus to seek intense sensations due to the unforeseeable consequences.”
That last sentence? Maybe the most self-explanatory piece of advice toward an adult who should know better in the history of mankind.
Wanna know what else Huy has seen in dude patients’ butts? Glass cups, wind oil bottles, and of course, sex toys.
No but really, I guess I’m glad this guy lived. As long as he’s only doing weird sh*t to himself and not others. And hey, maybe this was a wake-up call to, you know, not shove live animals up that bunghole. Perhaps he’ll go on to be the key brilliant mind who finishes the apex quantum computer to fix all of humanity’s problems. What a character arc that’d be, eh?
Check out the whole concept of quantum computing. It blew my mind most cosmically.
See? We’ve made it from the grotesqueness of the live eel-bunghole stunt to profundity on the cutting edge of tech. Now come on, unidentified Eel Man who most likely doesn’t work in quantum computing. Don’t let me down.
