Who’s on your squad?
Full disclosure, I’ve never been in a bar fight, and with a little luck I never will be. I’ve been around a few, and honestly my favorite bars are the kind of places where you’re most likely to see a bar fight (a real bar fight, not a bunch of drunk frat dudes at Aldean’s on Broadway), but I’m pretty chill when I’m drinking so there’s never been a real risk of getting into a brawl.
But what if?
There have been plenty of songs about scrapping in bars, from “As Good As I Once Was” by the late, great Toby Keith to “The Winner” by Bobby Bare. And there’s always an element of bravado “I can whoop your a**” in country music. But which country artists would you ACTUALLY want on your side in a bar fight?
I’ve probably thought about this more than I should, so I figured why not rank them?
Here are the top country artists I’d want to have with me if things started going sideways in a bar:
10. Morgan Wallen
I’m not sure how much time Morgan Wallen is spending in bars these days, given his high-profile incident at a Nashville bar back in 2024. But he’s had his fair share of incidents in bars over the years, plus he’s in pretty good shape, so something tells me he’d be able to hold his own if he needed to. Plus having Morgan with you comes with a couple added benefits: There’s no doubt he would have his own security team with him to help out, plus he’s so famous that there’s a decent chance that whoever’s trying to fight you is a Morgan Wallen fan and would be starstruck, providing a good distraction to get your shots in. It’s not always just about pure strength: Sometimes it’s mental warfare too.
9. Trace Adkins
In his prime, Trace Adkins would be much higher on this list. Not only is he 6’6″ tall, but he’s also been shot before so he’s obviously a tough SOB. The only thing working against him here is his age at 64 years old, so I’m not sure if he’s as scrappy these days as he used to be. Plus the aforementioned shooting hit his lungs and heart, so who knows how that affected his performance. Still, I want Trace Adkins there if for no other reason than as an intimidating figure.
8. Zach Bryan
Zach Bryan’s not the tallest, but he’s a Navy veteran and something tells me he’s not afraid of a fight. And by “something” I mean he jumped a fence to try to fight Gavin Adcock last year so not only is he willing to fight, he’s willing to go looking for one. His climbing skills would also come in handy if we needed somebody to jump a bar (or a fence), so that might be a tactical advantage if we needed it. Plus, let’s be honest, he also seems like a little bit of a loose cannon. That’s a guy I want on my side.
7. Gavin Adcock
If Zach’s on the list, Gavin has to be here too. He’s a former college football player, so he’s got the strength and could play some defense if needed. And he’s also a wild man who would no doubt be the first to jump in if he saw his friends in trouble. There’s also a good chance he would take his shirt off, which would probably throw the other guys off and make them think that he’s a little bit crazy. Exactly what you want to throw the enemy off their game, so Gavin’s got the perfect combination of physical and mental assets for a brawl.
6. Koe Wetzel
Koe’s another one who probably would have been higher on this list a couple years ago. Sure, he’s in better physical shape now, but he’s also a dad now so I’m afraid that will make him think twice about getting into a fight. Still, there’s no doubt that Koe still has plenty of scrap in him and could rough some people up if needed, and I’ll take him on my team any day.
5. Tim McGraw
Even at 59 years old, Tim is in the best shape of his life and one of the strongest dudes in country music. Just pure strength, and we’ve also seen in the past that he’s not afraid to fight: Remember when he dragged this big cornfed dude on stage at his show and kicked him out?
@stacey_is_the_mom
Or when he jumped offstage to confront an unruly fan?
@aiman.baig69 Tim McGraw confronts unruly fan in the middle of his song! shorts
Pure strength and ready to scrap. That’s a guy you want on your team.
4. Miranda Lambert
Now, you may think that I put Miranda on here to handle any ladies who jump into the fight, but make no mistake: I think Miranda could take most dudes in a fight too.
3. Riley Green
This one’s pretty self explanatory. Riley gets a lot of attention from the ladies for his muscles, so there’s no doubt he could put those to good use if needed. Not only is he also a former football player, but he’s also proven his toughness after taking a phone to the ear that left him bleeding during a concert:
@alanah.kellyy learn some respect. #rileygreen #melbourne #countrymusic #fyp
2. Brantley Gilbert
If there’s one guy you want on your side who’s not afraid to fight, it’s Brantley Gilbert. And to be clear: Brantley’s the nicest dude in the world, a great dad and husband. But he’s not a guy you want to cross, and there’s no doubt he’ll be the first guy to jump in to protect his friends. A first round draft pick for your team in a bar fight.
1. Garth Brooks
An alleged serial killer with 30-50 bodies in his backyard? Case closed.
(That’s a joke, for the record. Garth is not really a serial killer).
