Florida… the Sunshine State.
Known for its beautiful beaches, Disney World, and that obscene number of golf carts driving around town at any given moment. Maybe it’s the blistering temps, maybe it’s the fact that everybody is old as hell, but why walk anywhere when you can scoot around the neighborhood in a golf cart?
Another thing Florida is known for… raging lunatics.
I mean, just throw “Florida Man” into any internet search bar on the interwebs and you’ll find buckets and buckets of the most methed up stories in these here United States. It’s almost impressive…
And this latest one is quintessential Florida.
It’s got public intoxication, it’s got golf carts, it’s got the county SWAT Team in an armed standoff, and it’s got naked ladies…. everything you’re looking for in a great Florida headline.
So let’s get to it…
According to the Daily Mail, police in Dunedin, Florida, responded to a call about a suspicious group of men wandering around the neighborhood. When police made contact, one of the men, 18 year old Myles Abbott fled the scene, firing at police officers and others in the area.
Thankfully, the only person he managed to hit was himself, taking a bullet in the thigh. But that didn’t stop him from climbing on the roof of a house and refusing to come down, still armed.
We got ourselves a good old fashioned rooftop standoff brewing… that’s when the SWAT Team showed up.
SWAT sets up a perimeter in what went on to become a 6-HOUR ordeal with the bozo on the roof, but that wasn’t even the most eventful part of this story. No, the real star of this show is 28 year old Jessica Smith from Boston.
You see, while this whole SWAT Team vs guy with a gun on a roof standoff was going on, Jessica drove a golf cart right into the crime scene…. NAKED. They’re trying to reason with this dangerous rooftop clown, trying to talk him off the roof without hurting himself or anyone else and you have Jessica here wildin’ out in the golf cart.
Drunk as a skunk, butt naked, and unable to be reasoned with, Jessica refused to leave the golf cart once police officers asked her to. She was eventually dragged from the cart, put in cuffs, and arrested… primarily for her own safety. She also had no relation to the guy on the roof… a completely unrelated incident.
According to officers who apprehended her, she had “a distinct odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her person, and she was completely nude.” They also added that “the defendant’s actions and inability to follow directions put multiple deputies at risk for potentially getting shot at.”
She was charged with resisting an officer without violence.
I mean, hard to argue with the coppers on that one… if there are two things that don’t mix, it’s 6-hour SWAT Team standoffs and drunk, naked women. You imagine the dude’s on the SWAT Team have seen some shit over the years, but naked lady drunk breaching the perimeter has to be a first for them.
All in all, an A- Florida Man story. Only problem? No bodycam footage. Go ahead and blur out the fun bits if you have to, but I imagine that exchange was hysterical…
Nobody got hurt (they eventually got the kid off the roof with some bean bag rounds), a couple people are headed to jail, and the other 49 states in the Union get a much-needed laugh.
Never change Florida, never change.
