Whoever Okayed This Horror Movie About A Killer Sloth Called “Slotherhouse” Deserves To Be Fired

Sloth movie

I would like to personally speak with whatever studio executive heard this movie pitch, or watched this trailer, and said “perfect, let’s roll with it” just to see what they were thinking, or what drugs they were on when they gave this the green light.

It definitely seems like Cocaine Bear walked so that Slotherhouse could run, but sometimes we all have to come together and agree that some ideas should just remain ideas. And with all that being said, there’s a strong chance that when the movie comes out on August 30th, I’m going to go see it.

I think its the sheer absurdity of the story that makes Slotherhouse so intriguing. Why would a sloth be terrorizing a sorority house? How could one of the slowest animals on the planet be a ruthless serial killer?

Let’s read the film’s synopsis and see if it answers either of those questions:

“While Emily Young begins her campaign to be elected sorority president, she finds an adorable sloth that steals her heart and soon realizes she just might steal the hearts, and votes, of her sorority sisters.

But when bodies slowly begin to pile up in the Sigma Lambda Theta house, Emily and her sorority sisters realize the deaths are being caused by their new house mascot, the cuddly sloth Alpha.”

Nope, it definitely did not answer those questions.

To be honest, I might even have more questions now about what the hell is going on than I did before I read that…

Do the people that wrote this movie know that sloths usually top out at speeds of 0.5 miles per hour? I guess they are asking movie goers to have a suspension of disbelief as they watch a sloth go on a murderous rampage inside a sorority house (of course it is a sorority house).

I’d maybe be able to get on board if it were multiple sloths working together and doing the killing, but they are probably saving that idea for Slotherhouse 2: Get Slothed.

Anyways, here’s the trailer for the upcoming slasher film, with IGN captioning the post:

“First there were killer sharks, then cocaine bears, and now murder sloths??? Check out this trailer for the upcoming slasher movie, Slotherhouse.”

Social media users on X weren’t sure what to think about the trailer for Slotherhouse, sending out replies beneath the post saying:

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock