Kentucky’s ‘Cocaine Bear’ Officiates A Wedding In Lexington And I Am Over It

Cocaine bear

Why? Just why?

A few weeks ago, Kentuckians Armando and Alexandra made the drive from Pikeville to exchange vows and enter into a long, loving marriage in front of none other than Pable Esco-bear, the now infamous black bear who overdosed on a cocaine shipment gone wrong and had a movie made about him that people just won’t stop talking about.

For those who may not know (like me 10 minutes ago), you can visit the actual bear in the Ky For Ky store in Lexington, and apparently lots of people have been lining up for their photo and quite a few asking about officiant services, like our friend’s Armando and Alexandra, who got to be the first couple wed by him, whatever that means.

Okay, I don’t want to be the no fun guy here, but do we really need to be doing this?

I get not everyone wants to get married in a castle and go broke filling the bellies of uncles that haven’t spoken to you in 15 years, but do we really have to do this? Say “I Do” in front of a taxidermized bear carcass?

This is America and you’re free to do whatever you want, but man, if this isn’t proof we’re on a downhill slide, I don’t know what is.

Heck, maybe I’ll just cancel my wedding plans later this year and ask the lady if she just wants the bear to do it. We’ve been trying to get to Kentucky for awhile now, why not just go big?

People will never fail to surprise me.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock