I feel like I’m about to open a can of worms here, but this could be very useful information if any of you happen to be in the beginning stages of a budding relationship… so here goes nothin’.
AskReddit recently posed the question to men, “What are some deal breakers for a potential relationship, even if they’re very attractive?”
And you know, I used to think all men cared about when it comes to dating a new girl and that initial interest was all about looks.
I guess that actually makes me the shallow one here, but from the way I hear my guy friends talk about it and my personal experience, that’s all I was really working with. It’s not that I think that would obviously sustain a relationship long-term, but I definitely thought that was the main motivator when it came to men initiating a new relationship.
As it turns out, you guys actually have quite a few deal breakers you pay attention to from the get-go I would’ve never even thought about.
Believe me, I’m the furthest thing from a relationship expert, but there’s a common theme here that kind of surprised me a little bit in that men do NOT want to be compared to an ex. Like, at all. In any way.
And I get that, I wouldn’t want to be compared to theirs either, but it was an overwhelming response and most of the top votes had something to do with that.
Here’s what 35 guys had to say about all of their deal-breakers when it comes to dating:
1. “My ex talked non stop about her ex’s and it made me feel like a total bag of shit.”
2.”I’ve been compared enough for a few lifetimes by my parents, so I have to agree if they start comparing me to ANYONE else Imma get pissed.”
3. “I don’t mind talking about exes, but the second I’m compared to one I’m going to start planning an exit strategy.”
4. “I don’t mind comparisons as long as they’re justified. But if it’s shit like ‘my ex did [x] for me and it was amazing [and you don’t do that]’ I’m out.”
5. “No accountability. In fact, having absolutely no sense of accountability for their actions. Believe me it is more common than you think.”
6. Usually this would happen after a really simple misunderstanding. The refusal to compromise, empathize, or humble oneself is a MASSIVE WAVING RED FLAG. On that flag, you should see the words ‘I’ve had people pick up my messes since I was a child, I will never say sorry and you will slowly feel more and more like garbage with me as a partner.'”
7. “‘Good vibes only’ is the line to look out for there…”
8. “‘If you can’t handle my at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.’ Ok psycho, deuces.”
9. “The world happens to them and they are just a passenger. Nothing is their fault. ‘You should have been more careful.’ Doesn’t mean anything to them. They never learn lessons and they continue to make the same types of mistakes over again. I had one of these people for a roommate one time and I still don’t talk to her.”
10. “I got yelled at because she decided she was too tired for plans she made.”
11. “When any comment whatsoever is taken as a direct assault on their very being…”
12.”I know you shouldn’t invalidate peoples feelings with “its nbd, let it go” but somethings really are NBD. Big red flag if every and anything can be seen as an attack on them. I was legit afraid to say things sometimes because I wasn’t sure how shed react.”
13. “I dated a girl for about 3 years and she only once admitted she was wrong about something, and something trivial at that – and even then she fumed for a few hours and then took it back and said she wasn’t wrong. When the dishes weren’t done it was my fault because I was the one that usually did them. When she didn’t go to her classes it was because I wasn’t providing enough encouragement. In all fairness I’ve seen this in men as well, this kind of thing isn’t exclusive to a gender.”
14. “Lying, saying stuff about you behind your back, being mean to people for no reason, being fake.”
15. “No ‘test’ behavior. Be straightforward or I’ll assume you’re likely to instigate dumb shit drama. Honesty for honesty.”
16. “SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! Don’t expect people to read your fucking mind. ‘If you love me, you’d know what I mean.’ No.”
17. “‘I’m going to tell one of my girlfriends to flirt with my man and see how he responds’, or ‘I’m going to do something kind of shitty and then deny doing it to see if he apologizes for it like a good person should do.’ That kind of thing.
18. “I dated a girl in college that broke up with me, then got super mad at me and blew up my messages a few weeks later because it wasn’t supposed to be a ‘real’ break up. It was a test to see if I cared enough to fight for her and try to win her back and I broke her heart by not doing that when she broke up with me.”
19. “Complaining about everything.”
20. “Doesn’t let you have time to yourself/ their entire life revolves around you to the point that they suffocate you.”
21. “If they are terrible with finances.”
22. “Being bad with finances causes sooooooo many issues. It will cause severe relationship issues pretty soon. Don’t need to be an accountant, but damn at least understand that going into tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt is not normal– it’s bad.”
23. “Not being able to apologize. Everybody makes mistakes, doesn’t matter. Own up to it and I respect you even more. Seek excuses? Bye!”
24. “No sense of humor. Edit: Either a lack of sense of humor or incompatible sense of humor. I want to be able to laugh at the same stuff together.”
25. “The whole mindset of ‘I’m the God’s gift to Earth, I don’t have to bring anything to the table, everyone wants me, I got options so I’m just going to treat you like an option and you better be happy about it or I’m going to label you insecure and tell all your friends and family.'”
26. “If they’re full of themselves , can’t have someone who can’t joke and make fun of themselves and bases life on how many likes they get on social media.”
27. “Handles problems badly. Meaning, will become very demanding or sullen. Need someone who is calm in stressful situations, life is full of huge problems that will need two to deal with properly.”
28. “Met this girl in college, nice personality, smoking hot body, invited her over to my dorm for some Netflix n’ Chill and quickly noticed she had a…how to put it delicately…a severe BO problem, I’m talking rank and when she took her shoes off it was worse than some of the guys I use to play basketball with.
Ok, not a deal breaker, maybe she just had a long day and hadn’t had a chance to take a shower, happens to all of us. So we got together a few more times and if anything it got worse, so I tried dropping some subtle hints.
She finally told me she was into something called “natural hygiene” and didn’t bath more than once every couple weeks or ever use deodorant, soap or shampoo. Nope….my dick was screaming yes, but my nose vetoed it, I was out.”
29. “I dated this chick, we’ll say “the one that got away.” Everything clicked on every level, but during quiet moments, like bed or driving, she HATED silent moments and would screech like a dinosaur incredibly loud. It always caught me off guard and drove me absolutely nuts.”
30. “Having absolutely no awareness. If she never admits she’s wrong, never apologizes, never says the phrase “oh, I didn’t know that.” If this person is over 20, just run.”
31. “If they treat retail or service staff poorly for no reason. Big red flag.”
32. “A negative, shitty, stuck up and fake af attitude and personality and someone that uses meth!!!”
33. “I got told once I kinda look like a serial killer. When I said I don’t feel comfortable with it anymore, she said she meant it as a compliment. I left her on read and never talked to her again.”
34. “I was interested in a girl recently, I liked her a lot and she was really hot and great in bed as well, but something about the stories she told me about herself seemed off and honestly that was a red flag I was ignoring.
Well, turns out most of what she told me about her life was a lie, even the small stuff, that wouldn’t make any sense to lie about. I think she may be a compulsive liar.”
35. “First date with a girl: Me: What do you want to eat for dinner? Her: Whatever you want to eat. Me: (later) So, what do you like to do for fun? Her: Whatever you like to do. Yeah. There was no second date.”
I have to say, I had no idea guys were so annoyed by the fact that girls want to be chased and fought for. There were quite a few responses about that throughout the whole thread. A lot of guys said it was due to the fact that if they thought a girl wasn’t interested, they would just let her leave because it was clear she didn’t want to be with him.
Maybe I’ve seen too many Matthew McConaughey rom coms (I have), but this is probably one of the things girls daydream about most. Yes, it’s extremely cliché and apparently pretty unrealistic, but I don’t know a single girl who hasn’t at least thought about doing some of the crazy stuff these guys mentioned just to see their reaction and if they’re willing to fight for the relationship.
I hate to be the one to break this to y’all after reading those answers, I really do, but that’s really all we want.
Sometimes, it’s the only way to find out if a guy actually likes you and cares enough to put up with the bad parts of you, too. Damn… I sound as crazy as the girls some of them were talking about in those responses, don’t I?
Could this be the advice we’ve all been searching for as long as time has existed in order to get the male and female species to communicate properly and finally get on the same page about dating?
Probably not, but it’s good to know, I guess.
Not that reading those answers is going to make any of us any less “crazy”.
Honestly, I thought there would’ve been way more trivial, light-hearted responses along these lines: