Miranda Lambert’s Dad Recalls The Time She Told Him To Kick A Guy’s A** For Offering Her Weed When She Was Sixteen

Miranda Lambert with long hair

If you know anything about good dads, especially southern dads, then you know they’re not the kinda guys you want to mess with.

My dad is from a small town in North Carolina and was a lieutenant colonel in the army for years, so that’s pretty much all I have to say if I need to pull out the big guns (literally) when it comes to people messing with me.

Not so much now that I’m an adult, but I will pull that card every once in a while on a guy as a very last resort if I think they’re being a f*ckboy (we also have a great list of songs for you if you’re in that exact predicament right now).

Anyways, I stumbled across this amazing story of Miranda Lambert summoning her dad to defend her during a wild encounter right before a show when she was a teenager.

As a little background, her dad, Rick Lambert, is a big part of why she even got into music. He would take her to “picking parties” on the front porches of neighbors and huntin’ buddies houses, and eventually, helped her get a little backing band so she could travel and start singing in honky-tonks around Texas.

This included plenty of hole-in-the-wall places that were full of mischief and God knows what else… also known as the best kinds of bars.

Of course, seeing as she was only 16 at the time, she had to have her parents with her at all the venues. Honestly, there were probably a lot of them she shouldn’t have even been in being underage. But, that’s the kind of stuff you can get away with at little dives like that.

So, Rick and her mom, Bev, were always there at her early shows to make sure she was safe and taken care of.

And nearly a decade ago, she told the hilarious story to Texas Monthly of the time a guy at one of these little joints (pun very much intended) asked her if she wanted to smoke pot.

The best part is, instead of saying yes like most teenagers her age would have, she immediately told her dad and he put the guy in a choke hold on command. I love protective dads.

Rick said she immediately started yelling for him and telling him to flat out kill the guy, which I find particularly hilarious…

Drama queen’s just get each other, okay:

“Miranda started yelling, ‘Kill him, Daddy! Kill him!’

She was trying to get ready to sing, and she was pissed that someone was trying to mess her up.”

Bev chimed in to say it went a little bit differently, and Miranda actually just wanted her dad to kick the guy’s ass, not murder him:

“No, that isn’t exactly what she said.

She only yelled, ‘Kick his ass, Daddy! Kick his ass!””

Either way, the guy was probably scared shitless (and rightfully so).

Though dads and daughters will always have disagreements about certain things (like the time Miranda’s dad wouldn’t talk to her while they were on tour with George Strait years ago because she’d gotten her first tattoo), there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for their little girls no matter how old they get.

Aside from all that, though, there’s two very important lessons I got out of that story:

One, don’t offer Miranda a joint before a show (that might’ve changed these days).

And two, if she calls her dad to kick your ass for doing so…

Run.

(Yes, I’ll take any excuse to post this video…)

A beer bottle on a dock

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A beer bottle on a dock