Naked Man Takes Drunken Joyride Through Aisles Of Montana Grocery Store, Destroys Everything In Sight

HOLY MOLY.

A 50-year-old Montana man was arrested this past Thursday after driving his car (which doesn’t really fit) through the doors of a Montana grocery store, joyriding around the aisles, destroying everything in sight, and then fleeing the store through the door (fit a little better this time), before crashing the vehicle across the highway and escaping on foot… naked.

Miraculously, nobody in the store was injured during these drunken shenanigans, and the man was later found running through halls of a nearby retirement home… still naked. He fled the retirement home… once again, still naked and was caught by police at a nearby storage facility. He was noticeably under the influence of some kind of drugs at the time of arrest.

A witness that took shelter behind the bakery counter told KECI the man was driving up and down aisles of the store knocking down shelves.

“Complete panic broke out, everyone was screaming and running… It was just survival mode, I guess, to get the heck out of there.”

My God, you can’t even go to the grocery store on a lovely Thursday evening without some naked methed-up bozo driving his car through the store. It’s bad enough you have to worry about The Rona gettin’ to ya in the grocery store, but now, you gotta be on the lookout for cars too? Head on a swivel people…. head on a swivel.

And somehow, the store was able to open the next morning thanks to help from folks in the community rallying to help clean the store up.

You see, that’s the real story here… that’s what we should be talking about. Sure, “naked man drives though grocery store” sounds SO on-brand for 2020, and is a much better headline for my purposes, but you see what can happen when people come together, put all the bullshit to the side and work hand in hand to achieve a common goal?

A destroyed grocery store can get up and running in 12 hours, that’s what.

The dude was arrested on charges of criminal endangerment, aggravated DUI, attempted negligent vehicular assault.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.