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Guy Pays Two Men $5,000 To Break In & Tie Him Up For Sexual Fantasy…They Show Up At Wrong House With Machetes

Classic mix up.

According to the Guardian, an Australian man hired two men on Facebook to carry out one of his many sexual fantasies. They were asked to break into his house, tie him up in nothing but his underwear and apparently fondle his nether region with a broom. If it was “good,” they would get $5,000 (about $3,300 American) for the job.

Ok, ok, hold up… if you’re into kinky shit, that’s on you, do whatever you want. Nothing wrong with a little home invasion sexy time role playing, but all that work to get an over the drawers rub and tug by a broom handle? And for 5 GRAND?

I’m not expert on what people are willing to do on Facebook, but I have a hunch you could find someone to do that for a couple hundy, and they’ll take it to the house. You know, go the distance. You know, happy ending and all.

And the best part is… they went to the WRONG HOUSE… with MACHETES.

Imagine waking up in your own bed and two Australian dudes are standing in your bedroom with machetes. You’re shitting your pants, they’re all like “hey mate, you the lad we supposed to tie up? We got the broom.”

Wait, what?

After they figured out they were in the wrong house, they contacted the original dude, went to his house, made some breakfast and then fell asleep on the couch… no sexy time involved.

Ok, ok, hold up one more time… you accidentally break into some random dudes house with a machete, scare the living shit out of him so much so that’s probably already called the police (he did) and then you show up at the original guy’s house and he invites you in for coffee and breakfast and take a fucking nap on his couch? At what point do you just call it a day, stop trying to get weird sex fantasy gigs on Facebook, and go the fuck home?

Welp, the cops showed up and the two men (shocker) got arrested. But the judge ruled that it was an accident and they were let off.

I guess there was a happy ending after all… except for the guy that didn’t get his balls tickled with a broom handle.

Reminds me of another classic mix up.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.