County Official Reminds You Not Touch People’s Balls: “You Can Kick Their Balls, But You Can’t Touch Them”

As the country begins to open back up, public officials are taking the time to details all the extra safety precautions folks can be taking to keep this Coronavirus thing in check.

And in Nassau County, executive Laura Curran wants to remind us all not to “touch other people’s balls” on the tennis court. Needless to say, both the crowd and even Curran herself, struggled to contain their laughter.

But just so we’re clear, here are the rules:

1. Bring your own balls
2. Don’t touch other people’s balls.
3. You can kick their  balls.
4. You can touch someone in your household’s balls.
5. To avoid confusion, you can mark your balls with a sharpie.

This is real life people…

It’s pretty hard to believe we’re not watching a scene from Parks & Rec right now, and Leslie Knope is delivering this speech, but this 100% real life.

Although, you gotta love the local government really stepping up and doing their part, you know? I’ll admit that I was personally was pretty foggy on the rules of ball touching, but this cleared it right up for me.

It’s gonna be a long summer…


A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock