Photo: Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office

Lady On Vodka Arrested For Saying Blake Shelton Was Trying To Murder Her, Also Said She Was Dating Eric Church

WHOA BABY.

That’s the quarantine news we’re looking for.

A lady in Hawkins County, TN was arrested this weekend after repeatedly calling 911 to say Blake Shelton was trying to murder her.

Mary Myers, 48, was apparently loaded on vodka based on her smell, the bottle of vodka in her camper, slurred speech, and trouble walking. Yep, checks all the boxes.

After she tied one on, she called 911 multiple times, also requesting a helicopter as Blake Shelton was supposedly in the woods with a knife. HAHA, vodka is fun…

According to the police report, before being arrested for the misuse of 911, Mary also claimed she was dating Eric Church and that Dolly Parton was flying in for a hang that night.

This is what happens when a 48-year-old Mary who enjoys vodka that only comes in plastic half-gallons forgets how to play “Fuck One, Marry One, Kill One.”

“Two shots” of vodka, ain’t that right Mary!?

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.