White Claw Launches 70-Calorie Seltzer With New Flavors And… Less Alcohol?

Everybody loves some White Claw news.

The last time they announced the new flavors, the entire world went bonkers and while I still think the Watermelon tastes like a watered-down Four Loko (I just shuddered in panic on the inside of my body) mixed with glass cleaner, people love it. I don’t why, but they do.

Anyways, White Claw has been back in the lab and this time, they went with…. check notes… less alcohol? Yep, less alcohol.

The new White Claw 70 offers a low-calorie alternative to their standard (already fairly low-calorie) 100-calorie hard seltzers. They still have no sugar and no carbs, but clock in a measly 3.7% alcohol. However, they will introduce two new flavors: Pineapple and Clementine.

New flavors are cool, but at what cost? Dropping 1.3% in the alcohol department is just too great a sacrifice for me. What’s even the point? Have 16 of them and drive to work on Monday morning? Are they kid friendly? Can you give them to your dog? What am I missing here?

And if they’re less alcohol, that just means I have to drink even more than I normally would to get the same buzz, which completely throws that calorie count out the window. It’s basic math that I don’t want to do right now.

But hey, if you want to sip on ONE low-calorie hard seltzer with the alcohol content of a kombucha, and then go home and wonder why you didn’t have any fun tonight, be my guest.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.