Someone take Petey’s phone away, right fucking now.
NOW.
My wife is 8 months pregnant. I was trying to make her laugh and running out of jokes, when through divine intervention, Pilot Petey’s TikTok came across my feed.
“What the literal fuck is this. Have you seen the Bachelor goober’s TikToks?” I casually asked.
“No, show me,” my wife responded, desperate for comedic relief.
“This is the cringiest thing I’ve ever seen,” I added, building up the suspense.
** wife watches the Toks **
“Oh my god. No. This can’t be real. What the fuck is this?” echoed my wife.
Along with millions others across the world, we don’t know what the fuck this is.
@thepilot_peteI just flipped the switch♬ Nonstop – Drake
My palms literally started sweating from anxiety watching that. I’m so uncomfortable.
OH GOD THE DANCING. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@thepilot_pete♬ The Box – Roddy Ricch
And to make matters worse, he’s hanging with (former) fan favorite Kelley. AND they’re in our hometown of Chicago too. What a shitty cherry on top. A quick Twitter search gives you about 99.7% of opinions like this…
Mr. Vanilla is even doing magic tricks now.
@thepilot_pete##fullhouse♬ original sound – thepilot_pete
You want a good TikTok? Follow @WhiskeyRiff.
@whiskeyriffScissors eh… ##whiskeyriff ##countrymusic ##rockpaperscissors ##georgestrait ##alanjackson ##beer ##drunk ##millerlite
