Another day, another Florida Man making headlines.
Look, I’m not here to make fun of someone for shitting their pants…actually, yes I am. That’s always funny assuming it’s not some serious medical emergency.
PSA: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE YOU IDIOT
Now, back to the pants shitting. When is the last time you almost shit yourself? Seriously, think about it. Let’s all take a minute to think about it.
OK, we’re back.
We’re all adults here. We all have close calls. Maybe a little too much Creme Brulee for dessert even though you know dairy rips your insides apart like a bunch of emaciated honey badgers?
Maybe too much beer? Maybe too much beer Jeffrey Allen Bowman?
That’s the Florida Man that got arrested for DUI in Lady Lake, claiming he only had “one beer” even though he couldn’t stand and didn’t realize he literally shit his pants according to the police report.
We don’t know the BAC as he refused to give a breath sample, but I assume it’s in the neighborhood of a really solid batting average.
If you’re going to shit yourself don’t do it while putting other lives as risk. Do it because you had too much Spaghetti Bolognese knowing gluten will fuck your world up.