A person lying in bed with a remote control

Florida Man Wakes Up To Burglar Sucking His Toes, Burglar Says He “Was There To Suck Toes”

A new year of Florida Man stories…LET’S GO.

A man in Bradenton, FL woke up on Christmas Eve and had quite the surprise – a burglar sucking his toes.

This according to WFLA and the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

When the guy asked the creep why he was there he calmly and honestly replied that he “was there to suck toes.” Man on a mission it sounds like?

The report explains that a fight broke out and the burglar tried to grab the homeowner’s genitals before saying he had a gun, but was forced out of the house. On his way out he broke a window in the house and the windshield of victim’s car. Clearly upset he had to leave.

This is legit one of the scariest things imaginable if you think about it. We know the obvious, violent, scary stuff, but this? You think your dog is licking your feet and you wake up to find yourself in Vince Vaughn’s Wedding Crashers scene when he’s tied to the bed? Then the guy calmly just tells you he’s there to suck toes? FUCK OUTTA HERE.

The toe-sucking burglar nut is apparently still out there…

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock