A group of kids playing in a yard

12-Year-Old In Texas Gets Magnifying Glass For Christmas, Promptly Torches Entire Front Yard

If you didn’t use a magnifying glass to light things on fire, did you even have a childhood?

Apparently, the parents of one Texas kid did not.

When their 12-year-old son asked for a magnifying glass for Christmas, the Parsons family assumed he wanted it to read. Because I guess destructive 12-year-old boys with perfect eyesight need a magnifying glass to read these days? Yeah right…

“Cayden asked for a magnifying glass for Christmas,” his mother, Nissa-Lynn Parson, said to Fox 32. “We thought, ‘Oh, he wants to magnify something.’ No, he wanted to see if he can make fire with it, and they did.”

Anyways, as soon as he opened the present, he went outside and lit a newspaper on fire which spread to the grass, promptly torching his entire front yard.

And while nobody was injured, Cayden did destroy all the grass and a large portion of the family’s Christmas lights.

I have to put this one on the parents who must’ve been asleep at the wheel during this hole fiasco. As a grown man that was once a 12-year-old boy, there comes a point in your life (right around 12), where your single biggest source of joy is finding shit to light on fire, break, damage, destroy and even if you don’t mean to, it just kind of happens.

Let’s shoot hockey pucks at the garage door, let’s light arrows on fire and shoot them into the sky, let’s jump of the garage roof into the pool, let’s use a truck and a chain to dig out a stump instead of a shovel like a normal person… this is the kind of shit we did as children. At that age, anything you want for Christmas, while designed for good, will inevitably be used for evil. It’s just part of growing up as a boy. And as parents, you should probably know that.

Cayden’s parents seem to think the sun shines out of little Cayden’s ass and that their studious little saint wants to read with a magnifying glass. Gimme a break. Just wait until high school when Cayden wants a car to go to the library (or a friend’s house) so he can read books (or drink beer and party with girls). Going to be a long 4 years mom and dad.

Cayden’s parents also sound just like the kind of people that would name their kid Cayden…

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock