You gotta be shitting me. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).
Everybody sits on the shitter and scrolls through their phones these days, right? Hell, as much time as I spend hiding out in the bathroom, my boss probably thinks I have some kind of irritable bowel syndrome. It’s just what people do now that we have smartphones to keep us occupied.
Well apparently one company is taking steps to curb the toilet surfing. According to a viral post on Reddit, an employer posted a sign on their bathroom claiming that they will be conducting “smell checks” if an employee is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes. The sign claims that if it doesn’t stink, employees will be reported to the office.
First of all – 10 minutes? That’s barely enough time for me to get settled in, much less do my business and clean up. These things take time, and I don’t want to be looking at the clock on my phone the whole time I’m pooping (because I would rather be looking at Facebook). I’ll sit in the bathroom for half an hour sometimes just enjoying the peace and quiet. My girlfriend hates it, but bathroom time is a time to relax, take my time doing by business, and catch up on everything else that’s going on in the world. It’s not a time to be worried about ridiculous time limits and smell checks to make sure that I’m actually pooping.
And second, who is the unfortunate son of a bitch whose job duties (pun intended) now include going around sniffing for shit in the bathroom? There’s no way anybody’s actually enforcing this, right?
Of course, this isn’t the first time that a company’s been overly intrusive to make sure that their employees are actually working when they’re supposed to be. This “smell check” policy comes on the heels of Chipotle announcing that they have nurses who call employees to make sure they’re actually sick and not just hungover, and another company developing a sloped toilet that’s designed to make it uncomfortable to sit on for more than 5 minutes.
There’s a lot of speculation online that this whole “smell check” bullshit (I swear I’m done with the puns now) is a hoax, and so far the employer in question hasn’t been identified. So hopefully there’s not a company out there sniffing their bathrooms to catch slacking employees.
I mean, come on – just let us enjoy one of life’s little pleasures in peace.