I pretty much relate everything to music. I am really analytical in general and I get really focused on lyrics. At this point, if I don’t connect with a song’s lyrics, I probably won’t think much about it until I hear it again. If I hear a lyric that I can relate to or it makes me think of someone or something, I’m probably going to listen again to think about it further. Could be happy or sad, but a song that means something to me is likely going to stick in my memory attached to whatever it triggered.
If a song reminds me of a specific person, I usually share it with them and tell them why. They probably don’t care, but I think it is kind of my love language. I’m not good at telling people how I feel about them, so if I can do it through someone else’s words, that’s what I’m going to do. For those reasons, I also take it very seriously when someone says a song reminds them of me, which can be good or bad. Anyways, usually this is a good thing that happens, until it’s not.
So, I recently made the mistake of “talking” to an ex again. Like I said, I already know that was a mistake, but I can’t change what’s already done. There are a million songs about that cliché of thinking maybe it can work this time even though it absolutely didn’t work the five times we tried before. In all reality, we had spent a lot of time talking about how it couldn’t work – it would be long distance, we’re both in really transitional points in our careers, and neither of us are willing to bend on our own paths – but also about the fact that we always seem to come back to each other and that the time apart never changes anything.
This was an ongoing conversation, but we continued talking every day and living out a situationship. Then I heard Lady Antebellum’s “What If I Never Get Over You” (which I actually kind of liked). It made me think of him and this conversation we had been having. So, I did what I always do. I sent it to him, told him why, we talked about it, and then continued on with normal daily conversation. I have a twenty-minute drive to work each way, so I usually just listen to XM radio, which plays the same 7 songs over and over again all day. This was one of those songs. For a couple weeks, I would hear it and it would really make me think about what the future looks like if that the scenario that plays out in the song was really true to us.
No surprise here – it didn’t work out. But not so much for the life differences, but for the exact same reason that it’s never worked out any other time. Only difference this time is that I didn’t see it coming like I had before. Needless to say, this ending wasn’t quite as amicable as it has been in the past. Honestly, I’m pissed about everything that happened. I was fine with it not working out because of the life differences. That made the “What If I Never Get Over You” song feel so real and relatable. However, I was not okay with it ending for stuff that I should’ve been prepared for. When these things happen, at first it’s all you can think about. Then you get over it, and if you’re like me, you get over it pretty quickly. Or you think you are over it, until something reminds you of that person. Then you’re pissed all over again – because guess what! You weren’t over it.
Today on my drive home, I heard that stupid song again. Did I think it was a stupid song three days ago? Nope. Do I think it’s a stupid song now? Absolutely. Now in all fairness, I still think it’s a decent song, but I never want to hear it again. At least not for a long time. But there is a pleasant surprise here – I am no longer wondering what will happen if I never get over him. Because I definitely will since he kindly reminded me exactly why. So if you’re reading this – thanks for that!
I hate this though. I hate that a bad situation ruined a good song, but this happens all the time. I’m just glad it’s a newer song, that will be relevant for a few months and then fizzle out. Not like the line in “Break Up in the End” that says, “I’d still play my favorite song in your car. Let you love me to it til it felt like ours. Now all I hear is you in it, but I’d still let you ruin it, even though we break up in the end.” That person must have been pretty special, because I can’t imagine letting anyone ruin any of my favorite songs.
In all of this, I’m not talking about “your song” that you establish in your relationship for whatever monumental moment it represents. Though there are tons of songs about hearing a song on the radio and either changing the station or having to pull over to get your mind right. Here, I’m talking about the casual song you hear on the radio that you kind of liked and now you can’t hear it without seeing their face. Though I’m sure your song is also ruined if you break up, but at least it is, hopefully, encompassing of a positive time that you once had. I also hope your song wasn’t a generic radio single you’re bound to hear all the time – but that also happens a lot. And sorry if you found a song when it was first released that later became a radio single, consequently becoming millions of other people’s songs too. That alone would probably ruin it for me.
Maybe I relate to music too much, but that’s something I would never change. I do feel bad that I’m taking my negative feelings out on a song, but what is country music if it doesn’t make you feel something? Isn’t that why we love it so much? Though this one bad situation has (maybe temporarily) ruined a decent song, thankfully there are tons of other great songs that represent a lot better memories than this one. Thankful that country music continues to help uncover feelings I didn’t know I had and continues to bring up things I’d rather avoid. I mean, who wants to just bury all of their feelings until they all boil up and explode as negative mental health? Oh yeah, most of the country. Ehh.. Better luck next time.