Cars parked in front of a restaurant
Jonathan Weiss via

New Study Claims That Chick-Fil-A Has The Slowest Drive-Thru and I Call B*llshit

Have you been to Chick-Fil-A lately?

If you have, you know that the place operates like a well-oiled machine. Seriously, I don’t know how they do everything so perfect when McDonald’s can’t even keep a damn ice cream machine working long enough for me to get a McFlurry.

Yet somehow, a new study is claiming that Chick-Fil-A has the slowest drive-thru of the major fast food restaurants. And I’m calling a big ol’ bullshit on that one.

The study by QSR claims that Chick-Fil-A customers spend an average of 322 seconds from speaker to order window, while Dunkin’ has the fastest drive-thru with an average of only 216 seconds. Well yeah, all Dunkin’ employees have to do is hand you a donut out the window.

And how did Taco Bell come in 4th on the list? I’ve sat at the Taco Bell drive-thru for 20 minutes listening to the employees argue over the speaker before anybody even took my order. And my food was still fucked up when I got it. Just because everybody’s drunk in the drive-thru doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between a cheesy gordita crunch and a 7-layer burrito, pal.

That shit doesn’t happen at Chick-Fil-A. You pull into the drive-thru and a worker runs to your car like they’ve been waiting all day for you to get there, they compliment your order like you just recited fucking Shakespeare, and then you pull around and your food is ready as soon as you get to the window. Hell, I ordered curbside pickup at Chick-Fil-A once and not only did they bring my food right to my car, but the employee actually stopped traffic in the parking lot so that I could back out of my spot. Do you think a McDonald’s employee would have done that? Fuck no, they would have tossed my food from the window to my parking spot and let my ass get run over by somebody speeding home to take a McShit from the day-old burger they just ate.

And how are the employees at Chick-Fil-A always so happy? They’re over here telling me that it’s their pleasure to serve me, and meanwhile the stoner in the Popeye’s drive-thru tells me to fuck myself because I asked when the chicken sandwich would be back. (Oh and that’s another thing – you know Chick-Fil-A would never run out of chicken sandwiches).

Sure, Chick-Fil-A has longer drive-thru lines, but they’re so damn efficient that you can be in and out of the parking lot in the time it would take Wendy’s to count out a 10-piece spicy nuggets.

I don’t know much about QSR, but I’m calling bullshit on their study – because Chick-Fil-A is the gold standard of fast food drive-thrus, and nobody is going to convince me otherwise.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock