Well, that’s one way to find out that you’re going to be a father.
Pro-basketball player and former Ohio University standout DJ Cooper has been suspended by FIBA, the International Basketball Federation, for two years after his drug test came back positive… for pregnancy. Cooper was attempting to join the Bosnian National Team.
Apparently, Cooper tried to get past the drug test by using his girlfriend’s urine, and learned a couple things in the process: 1) He’s going to be a father; and 2) It’s not a good idea for a male player to try to use female urine during a drug test.
Let me tell you, as a former criminal defense lawyer, I’ve heard of just about every trick in the book to get past urine tests. I’ve had clients sneak into court with bags of pee taped to their balls, and I’ve had clients get busted using a Whizzinator (basically a fake penis) because it was…well, a different color from the rest of their body. But I’ve never heard of a dude showing up as pregnant on a drug test. That’s some Maury Povich shit if I’ve ever heard it.
Now, I’m not saying you should try to cheat a drug test. More often than not, you’re going to get caught. But I AM saying that if you’re going to try to pass off counterfeit urine as your own, you should stick to the same gender – or at the very least make sure that your supplier isn’t pregnant.
But hey, at least Cooper’s going to have some time off for paternity leave.