If You’re Eating A Tub Of Mayonnaise At A Baseball Game, You’re Certified Psychopath

A person holding a bottle of water

Lock this guy up. This is serial killer behavior if I have ever seen it.

At the Memphis Redbirds (Cardinals Triple-A team) game the other night this guy was spotted in the stands going to town on a Costco-size tub of Mayonnaise. Later on in the game, he was spotted (in a different seat, also curious behavior) still working on that same jug of mayo.

Eventually, he and his jar of mayo get kicked out of his incorrect seat, which is the least of everyone’s concerns here. I’d like to think the FBI was taking him in for questioning, but that’s not what happened here. Leave it to the incompetent Redbirds security to ignore an unattended serial killer among their fans.

5th inning, some 90 minutes later and he is STILL eating mayonnaise with a spoon. He’s knows they have hot dogs there, right? Totally unacceptable and there is literally no amount of justification that would convince me otherwise.


Sit me down at a table with Patrick Bateman, Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, Charles Manson, any of them, and I’m still telling this guy to leave 10 times out of 10. Now look, I know that this is probably just some weird-ass IT guy that works for the Redbirds. Some bozo in the marketing department put him in a grey wife-beater (not a white one, a grey one) and cargo shorts (he was already wearing the cargo shorts), they gave him 50 bucks and a tub of mayo and told him just be his weird self and wander around the park for the sake of a viral video, but at this point, can we really afford to take any chances?

I want that man brought in for questioning immediately or a press release from the Redbirds saying the fix was in from the beginning.

A black coffee maker on a counter

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock