Bud Light Releases “Gloria Brew” To Celebrate The St. Louis Blues

First of all, fuck the St. Louis Blues.

As a Blackhawks fan, I can’t believe they even made it to the Stanley Cup Finals, let alone won it, but hey, a win is a win. Whatever…

Anyways, to celebrate their Stanley Cup victory, Bud Light is brewing up a new batch of beer called the “Gloria Brew.” To create the beer, Bud Light will be playing “Gloria” by Laura Branigan on repeat, 24/7 for the entire brewing process. They’ll also be placing mammoth headphones on the brewery tank to ensure that every note is absorbed to its fullest. Once ready, the beer will be poured into limited-edition championship packs that will be released later this year.

“Gloria is already ingrained into Blues history and the city of St. Louis, so Bud Light is toasting our hometown team by doing what we do best – brewing beer,” said Vice President of Marketing, Andy Goeler. “Just like all Bud Light, our Gloria Brew will be made with the finest hops, barley, water and rice, but this championship beer has one special ingredient – the sound of Gloria. As long-time partners of the Blues, we wanted to do something special for their first championship and we thought infusing this beer with the actual sound of Blues Victory was the perfect way to congratulate the team on making history.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love an ice cold Bud Light, but something tells me this Gloria Brew is going to taste like a mix between the urinal water at the Enterprise Center and cat piss, maybe chinchilla piss. Hard pass.

Oh, and “Gloria” ain’t got shit on “Cheslea Dagger.”

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock