An Open Letter To My Humans From Me, The Dog

Hi humans.

I love you. Wanted to talk to you with a letter.

Thank you for adopting and saving me from that shelter. It was loud and scary and I didn’t know who would take me or if any human would. But, when you saw me you freaked out and told the human with you, “don’t freak out” before she could see me because you knew she would be so crazy with joy when she saw me you had to calm her down. Right then I knew I would go home with you and start a life with my wolfpack.

I pooped in areas that were called “NO!” all the time when I was a baby. I also peed on areas called “NO!” all the time. Then you would talk me somewhere else to poop and pee and you would call it “YES! GOOD BOY” and give me snacks so I kept going there. When human dad got his expensive new sunglasses I thought it was a snack too but he got very angry and called my snack “NO! FUCK! AHHH SHIT! MAVERICK! NO!”

Sunglasses are not a snack.

Every day and night mom and dad cuddle and squeeze me so much sometimes it hurts and they grind their teeth because they say I’m so perfect – I like that.

You humans do everything for me, so I will always protect you from other weird humans.

Sometimes my humans go out at night and drink stuff that makes them act funny. I never understand why the next morning they sleep longer and move slow, but I am always the same excited so I make them play with me and take me outside. Thanks humans.

Thank you for always giving me blackberries and Greek yogurt and bones and meat and other snacks. I’m sorry for eating the gargabe can to get snacks when you left me alone. I was hungry, but please forgive me. When I put my ears back I know I made a “NO!” but I didn’t mean it please believe me.

Usually you forgive me in one minute because you say “I can’t” when you see me sad. It works every time.

It’s the time of year when I get very hot outside. My humans feed me crunchy cold waters on something they call “PATIO” on days they drink the stuff that makes them act funny. Sometimes they spill some and I try to lick it up. They call it “BEER.”

I love when you have fun with me and take me to the water or park to play with other dogs. Little dogs always act the craziest and you always get angry with them when they yell at me. Thank you.

I’m not even two years old, but we had so many adventures and I can’t wait for more. I know how much you love me because I can feel it but I love you humans even more. You tell me I’m the best and that makes me feel good.

I will always do me best to speak in human. You think I can do it so I will keep trying.

I will always come by you and lay on you when you’re sad.

I will always tell you thank you for my food.

I will always protect you from people we don’t know.

I will take good care of our baby human one day.

I will do my best to not eat snacks not for me but no promises.

I will always do funny stuff and act crazy when you take me to the lake because it makes me so happy.

I will always act extra crazy at 8:58pm every night and do something you call “ZOOMIES.”

I will always love you more than you love me I promise it’s possible.

Thank you my humans for saving me and making me the happiest every day. Every day is the best day. I will always do anything for you.

Love you humans. Let’s go play and be happy.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.