As a Blackhawks fan, I love anything bad that happens to the St. Louis Blues. Congrats on getting to the Stanley Cup Finals, congrats on blowing Game 1, now kindly go fuck yourself.
According to a press release from the Blues, their statue of Jasper Newton “Jack” Daniel went missing sometime before the Blues’ double-overtime victory in Game 7 against the Dallas Stars. He was apparently stolen from the Jack Daniel’s Barrel House Bar at the Enterprise Center.
“The Barrel House Bar is incomplete without the man himself, and we need him back for the (Stanley Cup) Final. The ‘Spirit of Lynchburg’ has been with us throughout the year, and we need our fans – and Mr. Jack – to remain firmly in our corner as we continue this quest for victory.”
The article the went out to list a pretty handsome reward for anybody that found their missing statue.
“Rewards for Jack include a bottle of Gentleman Jack (21 and over only) and a team-autographed Blues jersey. No questions asked – and all joking aside, we’d really just appreciate getting Jack back.”
I’m going to get one from the local Binny’s, bring it to St. Louis, collect my autographed jersey and bottle of Jack, drink most of the Jack, and then use the rest to light that shitty jersey on fire.