If you’re ever looking to get arrested, (for whatever reason, I’m not here to judge) telling a group of police officers that you’ll cut off their heads and eat their tongues and eyeballs is a 100 percent, guaranteed, fool-proof way to accomplish that goal.
According to Newsweek, a Florida man (again, insert sarcastic “shocker”) was arrested after a road rage incident left him threatening to eat the various facial organs of 6 police officers.
Ken Edward Freeman, age 50, of Titusville, was detained last Thursday at approximately 8:30 p.m. by deputies from the Melbourne Police Department and taken to the Brevard County jail, records show. According to the arrest affidavit, an altercation began as Freeman followed another man into a parking lot after the pair allegedly made rude hand gestures at each other while driving.
Freeman, who was allegedly carrying a large knife after leaving his vehicle, approached the man, punched him in the shoulder and then held one side of the knife to his ear. “I’ll cut your fucking head off in front of your family!”
After six Melbourne Police Department deputies responded to a 911 call in the area he made threats to “cut officers’ heads off and eat their eyes and tongues,” the affidavit noted.
Welcome to Florida folks…
Sure they got beautiful beaches, Disney World, the largest population of alligators in lower 48 states (probably), but there’s also the possibility that someone doesn’t like your driving so they follow you into a shopping center and threaten to cut you face off and eat it… in front of your family. Imagine a family 4 on their way to Disney from somewhere in Ohio. Dad a little unfamiliar with these local Florida roads accidentally cuts off Ken Freeman here who then sends the family on a ride they’ll never forget. Twenty minute car chase lands you in a Chipotle parking lot with Ken screaming at you that he’ll cut your head off in front of the wife and two kids. The police finally show up to arrest this psycho flashing a knife at you through the window and he goes full blown Hannibal Lecter, offering to violently cut apart the faces off all 6 arresting officers (which is actually quite a bit to eat, almost an impressive amount) and eat all of the most important pieces of said faces. What a place, what a story, what a time to be alive.
The Happiest Place on Earth indeed…
Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.