Police Respond To Woman’s Blood-Curdling Cries For Help, She Was Actually Screaming Because Of Boyfriend’s Farts

A woman holding her face

An old story from 2013 has gone viral again, thanks to the hilarious police blotter description.

Here it is…

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven

Yes, it’s a real story and almost too good to be true.

I totally get this. I understand this. Having a wife has taught me a lot. One of those things is DO NOT fart at the wrong time. Just don’t do it, fellas. When the dog farts in her face it’s cute, but if you do (even accidentally as you get up front the couch and crop dust the apartment) she won’t think it’s cute.

A row of colorful cans

She might even scream bloody murder, as this woman did in Michigan. Back in 2013, police in Clawson, MI were called because neighbors heard screams that could be nothing else but a lady fighting for her life. Was she dying? Getting murdered? Neither.

The horrifying shrieks were in fact a direct result of her boyfriend’s putrid, disgusting, something-died-in-him, farts.

“She admitted she’d been shouting, but said it was because her boyfriend had continued to pass gas, and she was yelling at him to stop,” the police chief said.

To the guys, let this be a reminder to hide nasty ones. You know the ones after drinking 10 too many beers and eating late-night McDonald’s. Hide those, for her safety and yours.

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock