I’ve said it many times.
After you get over the 26-year-old hump, your drinking changes. You can’t do it as often, you can’t drink as much, and your hangovers can be best described as a rabid mongoose projectile shitting nails in your skull.
So, as you near the big 3-0, where should you place your focus? Where should you drink? You can’t do the loud clubs any more. You can’t drink at a place where your hair is vibrating thanks to the music, which is also attracting every douche within a 20 mile radius.
Here are the 10 best places to get drunk when you’re almost 30.
1. In the shower.
Science has literally proven it makes you smarter and more creative. And, you have some fucking peace and quiet.
2. By yourself at your desk.
Nothing better than drowning out the stresses of work by silently drinking yourself cross-eyed at your work desk. Your productivity drops as the buzz comes, and you end up on YouTube watching puppy videos. Can’t beat it.
3. In your sweatpants.
Fuck looking “good.” You want to be comfortable when you drink and complain about every aspect of your life.
4. At a dive bar.
A true dive bar has a flat top grill for patty melts behind the bar counter. It’s a nice, quiet, no bullshit place, that attracts the right kind of degenerate. Every great city or town has good ones.
5. On your couch.
Nothing better than looking down after binging Planet Earth and realizing you’ve finished
two four bottles of wine.
6. At a family gathering.
This is more a necessity. The older you get, the more your family makes you want to move to an island to sell mangoes from a bicycle cart for the rest of your life. It’s a must to drink wine with the speed of a shot, and to pound those 9% IPAs like they’re going to stop making them.
Drinking outside is the best. Bring a flask for a hike and ruin the workout by getting lost in the woods.
8. At your house prior to shopping.
I love to have a nice 12-pack of Coors Banquet then do some shopping online, or at a mall.
9. On or by the water.
These young kids take this for granted. Appreciate this moment, and do be an entitled asshole.
10. In a city or country nobody knows you.
My favorite. Take all your fucks to give and send them into the wind. You know nobody, nobody knows you, and you can embarrass yourself to the point of endangerment and it’s totally acceptable in a city or country you’re visiting. It’s all about showing the strangers you’re on vacation, and reminding them you’re on vacation as you do your 6th shot of tequila at 11am.
photo credit: Jeremy Pawlowski / Shutterstock.com