You think this is all a big joke? It’s not. The robots are coming, and before they take our lives, they’re taking our jobs.
Starting with pizza delivery.
According to a press release, Pizza Hut is collaborating with FedEx, specifically to explore the use of the FedEx SameDay Bot, a new autonomous delivery device aimed to revolutionize local delivery. When tested, the bot will serve as support to existing delivery staff in an effort to improve efficiency of the delivery process without compromising the quality of America’s favorite pizza.
“Our success is built around the best-in-class experiences we provide to our customers,” said Nicolas Burquier, chief customer and operations officer, Pizza Hut, U.S. “As we look to advance our business and continue providing experiences that our customers deserve, exploring technology solutions that allow our team members to do what they do on an even greater scale is critical to our success. Testing of the SameDay Bot with FedEx is just one more way we’re looking to the future of delivery at Pizza Hut.”
I hate it.
What happened to the good old days when it was always the same delivery person? That judgmental glare they give after delivering Taco Bell three times in one week, I need that. Like, it’s bad enough that I’m eating Taco Bell sober, but 3 times a week? And no, I’m not walking my ass over there, no, I’m having it delivered to my door like the laziest piece of shit on the face of the Earth.
I need that guy to knock on my door, stare a whole through my soul and motivate me to eat a salad tomorrow, go to the gym tomorrow, do anything that involves leaving the house and putting on real pants tomorrow. One time, I ordered pizza twice in the same day… not because I had people over and we ran out, just for me. You know how awful that feels when the same guy knocks on your door and says “hey, it’s you again, I was here 4 hours ago for lunch.” He laughs, but you don’t.
Your fancy fucking robot might be able to ring my doorbell, climb up my stairs and deliver my pizza, but it can’t make me feel the shame that a delivery driver can. For the betterment of myself, and the rest of society, we need that shame. This robot might in fact be the beginning, of the end, of life as we know it.