National Emergency Alert: It’s So Cold That Parts Of The Midwest Can’t Deliver Beer

A fish in the water

Oh, the humanity….

Snowed in, dangerously freezing temperatures, there’s really not much else to do other than stay in and drink beer. Except the coldest parts of the country can’t get beer… what the fuck kind on nightmare are we living in?

According to CNN, the polar vortex has made it impossible for parts of the Midwest to get beer delivered before it freezes. Beer in trucks was already freezing on Tuesday, well before temperatures reached their lowest.

“Most of the folks up north are not delivering,” says Mike Madigan, president of Minnesota Beer Wholesalers Association. “Most distributors are not delivering in the Twin Cities, down south and out west.”

Alert the President, call in the National Guard, call Elon Musk, something has to be done. Get those lazy fucks in Congress to airlift some cases of Miller Lite in there, this is National Emergency…

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock