Cracker Barrel Had To Recall a Wooden Pineapple Because People Are Stupid

A pineapple with coins on it

Hey, how’s your day goin’?

Did you fuck yourself up on a wooden pineapple? No? Well other people have.

A black coffee maker on a counter

Cracker Barrel has been forced to recall their Driftwood Pineapple after two reports said people were cutting up their hands, and getting stitches, from this pineapple’s metal leaves…

The pineapple used to cost $40, and is a decoration. A decoration like you know, put it somewhere and leave it alone? Don’t grab the metal leaves? TribLive reports that the notice urges consumers to stop using the recalled pineapples “immediately.”

How are people “using” these? Apparently, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission didn’t feel people would understand this is a decoration, and would keep using them like dunces. What do you do with a knife? That’s right; you don’t grab the blade.

What do you do with broken glass? That’s right; you don’t moonwalk on it barefoot. What do you do with a wooden pineapple that has metal leaves? Leave it the fuck alone and let it decorate your table.

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A group of people in the snow

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock