Nothing like a a pack of wild honey badgers eating your brains.
That’s how the hangover starts to feel as you get over the mid-20’s hump. It slowly, but surely, gets worse and worse. The picture below is the closest thing you’ll see to yourself after a weekend bender. Not 1/10 of an ounce of water is in your system, and you’re pissing saw dust.
As this hangover worsens, how do you fight it? Well, here are 7 ways to deal with it as you age…
1. Cry and be depressed.
Your entire Sunday is comprised of you listening to an acoustic playlist on Spotify as you eat ice cream and battle hangover depression. You light a candle to make things cozy, fall asleep, wake up feeling 10x worse for the first hour after your nap. A freight train of anxiety takes over your entire being. You put on The Pursuit of Happyness and cry your eyes out like worthless hungover sack of bones.
2. Smoke yourself to Pluto.
Weed sorta makes hangovers go away, but also can take you on the first rocket to Pluto if you take too much. You’ll take a nice 6 hour nap, and wake up completely disoriented. A personal favorite.
3. Try to work out.
Chances are your heart palpitations will prevent you from getting 8 minutes into a real workout, but it brings some mental clarity.
4. Drink a bunch of Pedialytle.
5. Eat like the world is ending.
Fast food, chips, ice cream, 6 pack of Coke, pizza, and repeat.
6. Go somewhere.
Chances are you’re going to have an anxiety attack in a huge crowd, but it’s worth the shot to go outside and move around. Walk to Target, sit on a bench and talk to yourself, maybe eat an entire medium Dominoes pizza by yourself in a parking lot.
7. Steam room or sauna.
I’m turning into an old man. I like to hit a steam room until the point of death, then take a cold shower and chug a bunch of water. You feel 25% better within 20 minutes if you don’t die in the steam room from dehydration.