Hangovers. At 29 years old, they are 1,000,000,000 times worse than they were when I was 27. I’m not gonna stop though, I’m gonna keep getting them. You know you are, too.
It just comes with the territory. Drinking is too fun to quit completely, but the hangovers will continue to worsen.
When it comes to hangovers, here are 11 of the worst…
11. The “Oh Fuck” Hangover
Waking up and realizing you’re late for work. You run into things, you forget to bring your wallet to work, you brush your teeth without toothpaste, etc.
10. The “I Feel Great” Hangover
Sometimes you wake up after a long night of drinking and feel AMAZING… So wonderful you’re knocking into things like a wind-up toy, chatting with people you don’t usually chat with, and laughing to yourself in the street. Don’t be fooled. The buzz you feel is nothing more than still being drunk, and the great mood will turn into a deep need for sleep and junk food.
9. The “Oops I Did it Again” Hangover
Waking up and quickly learning you aren’t in your own bed nor a bed you’ve ever seen prior. Perfect.
8. The “Total Blackout” Hangover
You remember nothing and are too scared to hear about anything.
7. The “Fast Food Blackout” Hangover
You look around and notice fast food remains scattered all over your bed, kitchen, and floor. You ate 6 McDoubles and 3 McChickens and don’t even remember it.
6. The “Crisis” Hangover
You spent too much money. You didn’t have that much fun. You said things you shouldn’t of. Your life is now in shambles and there is now way out. Ever.
5. The “Wake Up and Throw Up” Hangover
Insult to injury at that point. These are the moments you swear you will never drink again and promise God all sorts of things just to make your head stop pounding and the world stop spinning.
4. The “I Have No Idea Where Any of My Shit Is” Hangover
When you wake up and have a laundry list of things that are MIA; your cellphone, wallet, car keys, pants, dignity etc. etc.
3. The “Remorseful” Hangover
When you spend the majority of the next day thinking of people you should apologize to for your asshole antics.
2. The “Ex-Text” Hangover
When you wake up and realize your drunk mind apparently had quite a bit to say to your last lover. Thank you to the whiskey. FML.
1. The “Nothing Matters” Hangover
Your job. Your bills. Fuck it all. You’re depressed, you might be dead? You listen to slow acoustic music all day while you curl up in a ball in the dim light of candles you light up hoping to improve the mood.