As a younger guy, Fireball was often the shot of choice.
It was cheap, guys and girls both loved it, and most importantly, made you drunk. However, Fireball evolves as you age. The recipe didn’t change, but the way your body takes it does. If you’re 30, or close to it, or past it, here how a night getting drunk on Fireball goes now…
36. No shots tonight.
34. Fuck my life.
33. Why is my dumbass friend ordering Fireball…what’s going on here, we’re almost 30…
32. Cinnamon on my french toast, cool. Cinnamon in my whiskey? I can’t.
31. Ugh, so syrupy.
30. Oh fuck, it spilled on my fingers and chin.
29. I’m a sticky Fireball fuck.
28. Lord that was a thick shot. It has viscosity like extra virgin olive oil.
27. Another shot and I might die.
26. Hm… shot #2 was better. Still tastes like the worst hangover in 5 years.
25. It’s coating my stomach.
24. Time for shot #3.
23. I need soda water to chase it. Cuts through the thickness.
22. Shot #4 has me gagging.
21. I’ll have a Fireball on the rocks. Lol. Not. Just laughing to myself drunk.
20. I’m gonna yack if I do one more shot.
19. Hangover is going to be a bitch.
18. I’ll probably end up yacking as I talk. It’ll fly out of my like a demon.
17. So sugary I can’t breathe.
16. I need french fries from McDonald’s.
15. Fuck, it has the texture of NyQuil, actually.
14. One more and I’m a goner. Fucking gone. On Pluto.
13. Pretty drunk, should start making vacation plans with my friends that will never happen. We all know they’ll never happen.
12. It’s taking over my body.
11. Who’s gonna blackout with me?
10. Another shot.
9. I’m drinking gel?
8. I’m past the point of no return.
7. Time to fall walking to the restroom.
6. Tunnel vision has started.
5. Am I in an Uber?
4. Where are my apartment keys?
3. I should puke right at my building entrance as I am walking in. Nailed it.
2. I should also get some of that puke on my jeans and shoes. Bingo.
1. My bathroom floor is a good bed. I’ll sleep here tonight, but when I wake up and have to puke again, I’ll do it in the sink so I can clog it.