This morning I was doing a little research online, catching up on the news, skimming through some articles, and you know how it goes, one thing leads to another and I found myself on an ask Reddit page. The title of the thread had something to do with relationships and dating. Within only about 30 seconds of skimming through comments from mostly females on this page, my heart broke.
These were some of the comments I was seeing…
“What’s wrong with me? There must be something…”
“Will I ever find someone to be happy together with?”
“I’d say I’m a woman who really has no standards. I let him do and say whatever he wants. I don’t have an age limit and sex on the first date is no big deal for me.”
Woah. Hold up. Did y’all catch that last one?
The repetition of comments like these built up and really inspired me to write this. Girls (and guys) out there, if you’ve ever felt less than, unwanted, or unlovable then please keep reading.
(p.s. I’m writing this from a girl’s perspective but these points can really go either way.)
1. Nothing is wrong with you. Stop that.
You should never, ever change for a man. This is one thing my mom has always told me that I will continue to hold on to. Never change for a man because inevitably that’ll be exhausting and end in heartbreak. Speaking from experience, it’s discouraging and tiring always putting yourself out there yet continuing to see no direct payoff. After a few years of this constant “rejection”, you’ll naturally start to question if it’s you. You’ll start to think of what it could’ve been that turned him off from the idea of being with you and then you’ll set out to change that. THIS is where it all goes downhill.
Speaking from experience, I know it’s discouraging and tiring always putting yourself out there yet continuing to see no direct payoff. After a few years of this constant “rejection”, you’ll naturally start to question if it’s something about you. You’ll start to think of what it could’ve been that turned him off from pursuing you, you’ll read through and overthink every little thing, and eventually, you will convince yourself that you are the problem. Like I’ve said, stop that.
If a guy doesn’t love and appreciate you for who YOU are then maybe he’s just not for you or not ready for you. Until you find a guy who loves the good and the bad in you, stay single. And though that might feel like an impossible standard, it’s not. It’s something you should hold out to find.
2. Until he comes, focus on YOU.
Until you find that guy I mentioned above, the one who loves the good AND the bad in you, then focus on you. Focus on becoming who you are made to be. Discover your passions and pursue them with your full heart. Become so busy getting better than you were yesterday and falling in love with yourself and the Lord that you don’t have time to second guess your worth.
3. A romantic relationship will not fulfill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry, but that’s the truth. Finding Mr. Right won’t suddenly erase all of your problems. You could end up with the man of your dreams, who does truly love you and care for you, yet you’ll come to realize eventually something is still missing.
The void you feel is one that no human love would ever be big enough to fill. That’s where God, faith, and self-love come in. God’s love for us pales in comparison to any man’s. His love is unconditional, true, and everlasting and has been there all along. Until you accept that love, you’ll never reach the pure joy He so graciously wants to give us.
So to all of you girls out there, whether you’re posting comments on Reddit or just letting these thoughts consume your mind- it’s time to let go and take a step back. Reevaluate the things you are finding your worth in and your standards for love.
Remember, you are loved more than you could ever know by someone who died to know you.