Whiskey Riff is headquartered smack-dab in the middle of Big Ten country, Chicago.
I went to Urban Dictionary and looked up the definitions of each Big Ten school – here’s how the very accurate definitions shook out…
MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY
1. More fun than the University of Michigan.
2. Not filled with snobby assholes.
3. Best party school around.
4. NCAA men’s basketball team repeatedly in final four.
5. State students don’t automatically think they are better than the rest of the world. I got into the University of Michigan, but I chose to go to state because my head isn’t stuck up my ass.
Considered the best Public school in the state. Recently ranked AHEAD of Miami of Ohio by U.S. New and World Report. It is easy to hate a good school with a dominant football program, which is why so many outsiders do. And not quite so ghetto as some ignorant people think.
A prestigious university in West Lafayette, IN. While not as fun as IU, it has a better reputation once you leave the state of Indiana. Top programs include Engineering, Management (better than Kelly at IU), Technology, and Science. Ranked as a top 20 public institution. People in the west coast have no idea what state this school is in but they know how strong it is academically. Other than that, we have average parties, average girls, below average sports, but a very high average starting starting salary (which is all that matters).
I go to Purdue University. Although you may have a more fun college experience, I’m gonna be richer than you. So fuck you for your four years, I’ll take the next forty.
The greatest college ever. Best parties, best looking people, school spirit. What else could you ask for?
UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS
The university is located in central Illinois across the towns of Champaign and Urbana. The school is well known for its academics, athletics, party scene, and school spirit. It is consistently ranked among the top universities in America in U.S. News and World Report. The university is commonly recognized for its exceptional engineering and business programs. It was also ranked the eighteenth best party school in the United States in 2009 by the Princeton Review. It is home to the largest Greek Community in the country with over 50 fraternities and 30 sororities. Alumni from the university are some of the most successful men and women in America, this includes Roger Ebert, the founders of YouTube, Deron Williams, and much more. Whether it is attending a Big Ten football game, going out to the bars, or chanting the famous I-L-L-I-N-I chant the students of this campus love their school.
A largest university in New Jersey where students are not spoonfed like other universities. The premiere public university of New Jersey. Home of the now famous grease trucks. Constantly plagued by morons spreading urban legend of having a high rate of STDs.
UNIVERSITY OF IOWA
Educational institution where learning comes third to drinking and football.
Also: location where much potential is wasted and/or destroyed.
Seige: Are you goin’ out tonight?
Joel: Nah, man. I got a test tomorrow.
Seige: Yeah, me too. Lets go to the bars.
Joel: Seige, I can’t.
Joel: Alright, fine. Let’s get fucked up.
Seige: Sweet! You goin’ to the game on Saturday?
Joel: Of course!
Seige: Awesome! We’ll have to tailgate. I love the University of Iowa!
UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND
The best combination of world-class academics, diversity, partying, location (Washington’s just a metro ride away), athletic teams and facilities, and school spirit in the country, all for a fraction of the price of Miami, Penn State, or Virginia Tech. There’s literally something for everyone.
UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MADISON
Unlike the above definition, the University of Wisconsin Madison is a prestigious university where education is everything but so is having a good time. You will find the most school spirit in Madison than anywhere else in Wisconsin. We are the number one party school but do not “fuck around” or “fuck-off”. Time management is a must-have skill here (obviously if we go out every night but still get up and get an A on an exam the next morning).
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
A college that is 20 times better than those bastards in Ohio.
UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA
A huge state University populated by Minnesotans and Midwesterners. There are many schools inside this great institution including Institute of Technology which is dorky except for the Honors group which drinks. There is also the Carlson School of Management which is full of douchbags. There is also the College of Liberal Arts which focused on history and writing and things like that. It is really cold at the University of Minnesota so bring a jacket. Also there are some really smart people at this school so watch out, they’ll set the curve.
UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA
Some random university, God knows where, where everyone has definitely lost their virginity… to their brother or sister.
Northwestern University is known as the Ivy of the Midwest. A highly selective and prestigious school with an entirely homogenous student body.
Northwestern Norms: Black North Face Fleece, Lacoste Polo, Apple iPod, Losing at almost every Big Ten sport, walking with your head down, wearing t-shirts from Ivy League schools you aren’t going to, and having an artificially low GPA because of extremely challenging classes.
1. Noun: A school where students spend more time drinking than going to class. Regarded as the greatest party school that ever existed. Home of the Hoosiers, the most beloved sports team in the history of the world. Also home of The Little 500, the greatest party week in the country, where students stay up 7 days straight, don’t go to class and collectivly drink more than most schools drink in a year. Known for their amazingly good looking females.
2. Adjective: Used to describe an amazing party where the girls are gorgeous, the alcohol flows like water and the good times roll.
1. I went to Indiana University and got shitfaced for 7 straight days.