Top Shelf Tequila Is Total Bullsh*t

Let me start by saying I’m not a cheap guy.

In fact, I can’t stand cheap people. But, when it comes to booze I’m a sucker for some good ol’ lighter fluid. I don’t always need the fancy stuff. There is no more over-hyped bullshit than high-end tequila. None.

This isn’t just personal taste, I’ve ran tests. Multiple tests, as a matter of fact. I should mention I am speaking of clear tequila, not the dark stuff. The dark stuff gives a hangover worse than being thrown in a wood chipper.
As far as the clear, don’t overpay. A buddy of mine once had a long night of drinking with a girl. She kept saying “let’s do Patrón shots!” – so he kept buying rounds. However, he was buying plastic bottle well shit. After 1 or 2, nobody knows the difference and you save yourself $455.

I did a similar test with my sister. She asked for a $14 shot of Patrón, so I got a $4 shot of some garbage well juice, she took it and exclaimed “OMG I love Patrón.” Well tequila is the most forgiving of all liquors. The hangover isn’t terrible. It’s bad, but you’ll be able to pee without getting lightheaded. The beauty in well tequila comes from the burn – it’s what tequila should have. Let’s be honest, it all tastes like shit. It’s just a matter of what shit you can handle the best. The well tequila burn is short-lived and almost immediately gone with a bite of lime (if you’re a coward).

I recommend getting it room temp, a normal shot. Not this shaken ice cold watered down horse shit. It’s not the same. The watering down almost makes it taste more like tequila, if that makes sense. Clear well tequila will allow for you to go all night without puking onto your lap or punching someone in the eye. It’s not as abrasive as a cheap whiskey which turns most folks into a murderous angry drunk – it opens the doors for the demons to escape. Well tequila is calm, it’s loosey goosey good times. Like a wine drunk. You will eventually pass out in your jeans and likely pee the bed, but your hangover won’t be death, and your wallet will thank you.


* I do love George Clooney’s tequila, Casamigos. 

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.