A person drinking from a bottle

8 Reasons I’d Rather Have A Cold Beer Than A Boyfriend

Listen up… boys are nice and everything but I’m not wasting my time on a boy, I’m waiting for a man. And in the meantime, until I find that man, beer will do just fine.

Here are my 8 reasons that I’m okay with a cold beer for now over a boyfriend…

1. A good beer is easy to find, a good guy is not.

I’m not here to rip on guys but I do know for a fact that the good ones are scarce and hard to come by. The second you think you found one, he proves you wrong soon enough. A good beer though is plentiful. There’s more good beer than bad beer which makes it easier for good girls to all get one for themselves. A drive to the local liquor store and I got a keeper of a good cold beer.

2. Beer doesn’t change it’s mind when times get hard.

In fact, beer usually knows how to step up to the plate in hard times. After a hard day or a few bad weeks, I can count on beer to be there for me. Boys, on the other hand, seem to be really good at running the second things get tough.

3. Beer isn’t confusing.

The label of the beer is listed clearly on the back so you can read it and know exactly where it’s coming from without questioning any intentions or qualities. Guys, however, don’t come with a label so you never know what you’re getting. For example, you date a guy and a few months yet later you find yourself referring to him as a “fuck boy.” If only he would’ve had “fuck boy” labeled on him from the get-go, you would’ve known to steer clear.

4. No woman ever got stood up by beer.

Beer isn’t ditching me to hang out with other beer. Beer is there for me and always follows through. Guys are flaky and unreliable.

5. Beer doesn’t break your heart proceeding to get drunk about a month later only to wake you up with a 3 A.M. booty call.

Beer doesn’t get drunk and even more importantly beer doesn’t break your heart. If beer did break your heart though, I’m sure it’d at least have the decency to leave you alone instead of booty calling you whenever it decided to miss you. Guys don’t get that a booty call at 3 A.M weeks after you broke her heart isn’t going to win her back. Maybe they should’ve considered the fact that they’ll miss her BEFORE they left her.

6. When I get home from a long day beer is there to listen, and listen happily.

Beer doesn’t care how long I have to vent about my day, it simply just listens. At the same time, beer isn’t unloading all of its problems on me the second I’m with it. Beer is perfect therapy, while boys are the main reason behind most girl’s initial need for therapy.

7. You know where the beer has been before.

You don’t have to question its history and you know exactly where it’s been. You can be confident in beer’s history, while boy’s history could potentially be very sketchy.

8. Beer couldn’t be an asshole if it tried.

The male population, on the other hand, seems to consist of mostly assholes. It’s in their blood which is why it’s best to stay away. The closest that a beer has come to being an asshole to me is when I experienced a Sunday hangover after spending a long Saturday night with it. Even then though, I couldn’t get myself to blame the beer. Instead, I blamed my body’s lack of natural hydration and quick metabolism for keeping me in bed all day.

Beer is GOOD. A man walking up to me with a beer for me is GREAT. And boys are CRAZY. (*cue Billy Currington “People Are Crazy*)

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock