Hangovers are bad enough to make you say you’ll never drink again, but not bad enough for you to never drink again.
There’s a wide spectrum of brutal hangover experiences that make you think you are dying, literally. Here’s some of the worst experiences when hungover…
6. Cinnamon toothpaste the morning after blacking out on Fireball.
This is a nice shock to the system. You’re already gagging on your toothbrush, but then the cinnamon toothpaste you bought (why?) takes you right back to the night before. Nice one-two punch. Not fun.
5. The “crisis” realization.
You spent too much money. You didn’t have that much fun. You said things you shouldn’t of. Your life is now in shambles and there is now way out. Ever.
4. Getting on a plane hungover and having a full-fledged clinical panic attack.
Never get on a plane super hungover if you can avoid it. This happened to me once and I legit had a panic attack where I thought my heart was going to explode. I couldn’t breathe, my blood pressure got all shitty, my palms were a sweaty mess and I couldn’t see straight. Great times!
3. The “I feel great” feeling.
Sometimes you wake up after a long night of drinking and feel AMAZING… So wonderful you’re knocking into things like a wind-up toy, chatting with people you don’t usually chat with, and laughing to yourself in the street. Don’t be fooled. The buzz you feel is nothing more than still being drunk, and the great mood will turn into a deep need for sleep and junk food, and you’ll probably get super depressed out of nowhere.
2. Take a spin class to get rid of the hangover, in the meantime you almost kill yourself.
Theory is great. High intensity workout, get the blood going, sweat it out. But as you’re about 10 minutes into spin class, you start seeing stars, the music is giving you anxiety, and you think your heart is about to explode because it probably is, so you panic about it exploding, making it beat faster. Great way to spend Sunday!
1. The “nothing matters” feeling.
Your job. Your bills. Fuck it all. Someone could offer you $1,000 to go out drinking, but you literally just can’t do it. You can’t move, fuck everything, basically.