30 Signs You’re Getting Too Old To Party

Back in the day I could drink ’til 3am, wake up by 9am and be in the gym by 10am. That was when I was 21. Now, at 28?

A fetal position for 2 days is a win. Pedialyte is a must. And I just can’t do it like I once could.

Here are 30 signs you’re getting too old to go out…

30. This is you during your hangover.

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven


29. You currently own Ibuprofen, Alka-Seltzer, Pepto, and Emergen-C.

28. Is this a hangover or do I have the flu?

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26. You get excited about taking Melatonin when you know you’re staying in.

25. You buy candles for your Saturday night Netflix watching.

A group of people in the snow

24. You keep asking yourself “how old are they?”

23. And, you hate everyone around you while you’re out.

22. You drink a lot of clear alcohol, with waters in between.

21. You notice the unsanitary habits of bartenders.

20. You fall asleep in places that aren’t your bed at 6pm.

A group of people in the snow

19. When you go out it seems like everyone is always bumping into you.

18. Is the music really loud in here?

A group of people in the snow

17. You bake cookies from scratch.

16. You spend a lot of money on fancy coffee.

15. You start Googling types of puppies you want.

14. You have to leave the house by 9pm or you’re staying in.

13. You like establishments with rickety bar stools that are cash only.

12. If you are out, your attention turns to what you’re gonna eat around 11pm.

A group of people in the snow

11. You buy Pediatlyte when it’s on sale for that next hangover.

10. You’re always cold. Why am I so cold?

9. You listen to acoustic Spotify playlists as you shower.

A group of people in the snow

8. You order slippers on Amazon.

7. You prefer watching your favorite sports teams in your own house.

6. You bring a koozie with you to bars.

5. You buy “going out” clothes, only to return them a week later.

4. You’re more excited about waking up without a hangover than you are about going out.

A group of people in the snow

3. You have no reason for not going out. You just can’t sometimes.

2. You just want to cuddle with something. Preferably not the toilet.

A group of people in the snow

1. Day drinking is your drinking of choice. You can be done and in bed by 5pm, and sleep for 16 hours. That’s a major win.

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock