30 Signs You’re Almost 30 Years Old

I’m a couple years away from 30. I still feel like a kid, usually, but there are times life kicks you in the nuts and humbles you, reminding you that you’re on the wrong side of 20.

Here are 30 signs you’re approaching the 3-0.


30. You really appreciate good whiskey.

29. You’re always tired.


28. You get smellier easier.

27. You get drunker way quicker. I had two glasses of wine and I’m seeing triple.

26. Doing shots put you down like a rabid dog being hit with a tranquilizer.

25. You don’t need all the foo-foo bullshit when going out for a drink.


24. Working out sucks shit.

23. Your Facebook feed is all marriages, babies, and food videos.

22. You sit in actual seats at concerts.

21. Most bars seem too loud.

20.You love buying candles.


19. And listening to acoustic playlists.

18. You really want a puppy or kitten.

17. You don’t understand what the kids are saying these days.

16. And you can’t believe someone born in 2000 is a teenager.

15. You fucking love sales. And Amazon.


14. And selling shit you’ve owned.

13. You have a Motorola Razr somewhere in your junk drawer.

12. Cooking dinner is really fun.

11. You can’t stop eating cheese.


10. You notice when food labels talk about nutrients, minerals, and fiber.

9. You want to cry when you hear some 90’s Garth coming out of the speakers.

8. You’re all about that low interest rate.


7. There’s no way in hell you could survive a 3-day festival, camping outside.


6. You were in college like 10 years ago, the fuck…

5. Your childhood crushes could basically be your parents.

4. Fuck New Year’s Eve.

3. You eat so much kale.

2. Your back and neck are always fucked up.

1. Happy Hour is exactly that, you being happy for an hour then going to bed.


Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.