The Ultimate Drinking Bender Survival Guide

A few bottles of liquor

Festival season is upon us.

For Whiskey Riff, we have a busy month ahead with CMA Fest, Country LakeShake, my birthday, and Windy City Smokeout.

We know if we don’t take care of ourselves we’re gonna be hurting. You need to prepare yourself for a 3+ day drinking situation the same way Joe Montana needed training camp. You can’t just get in there with no snaps and think you’re going to hit that 20 yard out pattern. It ain’t happening, guys.

If you don’t get yourself right before (and during) the drinking, you’re going to end up hating everything about life and the world while having body aches and pains that will send you straight to Google.

A group of people in the snow

If you don’t want to be peeing charcoal dust by your third day, follow these steps folks.

10. Eat and workout like you’re auditioning for a lead role in Hollywood.

This is as mental as it is physical. You feel mentally strong after a week of eating 14 lbs of broccoli and working out like Tony Horton. It sets up the whole weekend – the foundation to your dream home.

9. The morning before it begins, get hydrated.

Lots of water. The urge to start drinking at work is going to be there. Wait, they’re not going to stop making it. Approach the weekend’s first beer as you would a sporting event.

A group of people in the snow

8. Water in between drinks.

I know, I know. I never thought this worked all that well either. Truth is, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re like me, you have a water in between each drink for the first 2 or 3, then you hit another gear and “f*ck water.” Force yourself to keep drinking water in between drinks all day and night.

It’s the only way you’ll survive mixing in all those shots with that beer.

7. Vitamins before drinking and before bed.

I don’t know if this helps but I do it, and I feel like it might help. I suppose.

6. Pedialyte.

I can’t stress this enough. Pedialyte will save your LIFE. Save your life. It’s like a Gatorade on steroids. We typically go to the nearest Target and wipe them clean of it. One bottle before bed, one in the morning and voila, a new person.

Tweet your appreciation to @WhiskeyRiff.

A group of people in the snow

5. Don’t forget to eat.

If you eat too late (when you’re too drunk) you’ll just get sleepy and lame. Get the eating done while you’re at the peak buzz.

Starchy things, avocado, a little grease.

4. Drink bottled/canned beer, not drafts.

A lot of people swear their hangover is worse after draft beer  – for a couple reasons. The first being more CO2 in the beer and the second being a possible uncleanliness of the bar’s tap system.

Cans/bottles are consistent, so play it safe.

3. Don’t black out.

Steps 4-7.

2. Don’t go to jail.

Step 3.

1. Hit your peak buzz at the right time.

Your peak buzz isn’t at noon on day two. It’s at 8 or 9 pm. Your drunkness can’t be a bell curve where you’re coming down at 6 pm.

You ever pass out after day drinking and wake up at 10 pm not knowing what day it is or where you are or who the people are in your room? Not fun.

Pace, chug at the right time, know when to reach for that adrenaline. It’s going to be a long weekend.

Oh, and a 1a…

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven

Back to Pedialyte.

When that hangover has you on the brink of killing yourself, put a splash of Tito’s vodka in some grape Pedialyte. It’s basically your new favorite cocktail.

Cheers, ya’ll.

A group of people in the snow

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock