29 Signs You’re Getting Too Old To Go Out

As Toby Keith once said, “I ain’t as good as I once was.” In other words, back in the day I could drink ’til 3am, wake up by 9am and be in the gym by 10am.

Now? A fetal position for 2 days is a win.

Here are 29 signs you’re getting too old to go out like you used to…


29. You currently own Ibuprofen, Alka-Seltzer, Pepto, and Emergen-C.

28. Is this a hangover or do I have the flu?

tumblr_nhk6lmbF8z1s4qti6o1_50027. You know you have to work out all week to not feel guilty about getting drunk on a Friday night.

26. You get excited about taking Melatonin when you know you’re staying in.

25. You buy candles for your Saturday night Netflix watching.


24. You keep asking yourself “how old are they?”

23. And, you hate everyone around you while you’re out.

22. You drink a lot of clear alcohol, with waters in between.

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21. You notice the unsanitary habits of bartenders.

20. You fall asleep in places that aren’t your bed at 6pm.


19. When you go out it seems like everyone is always bumping into you.

18. Is the music really loud in here?


17. You bake cookies from scratch.

16. You spend a lot of money on fancy coffee.

15. You start Googling types of puppies you want.

14. You have to leave the house by 9pm or you’re staying in.

13. You like establishments with rickety bar stools that are cash only.

12. If you are out, your attention turns to what you’re gonna eat around 11pm.


11. You buy Pediatlyte when it’s on sale for that next hangover.

10. You’re always cold. Why am I so cold?

9. You listen to acoustic Spotify playlists as you shower.


8. You order slippers on Amazon.

7. You prefer watching your favorite sports teams in your own house.

6. You bring a koozie with you to bars.

5. You buy “going out” clothes, only to return them a week later.

4. You’re more excited about waking up without a hangover than you are about going out.


3. You have no reason for not going out. You just can’t sometimes.

2. You just want to cuddle with something.

1. You have to mentally prepare for nights out. It’s an event now. The Super Bowl of your month. You approach it like one.